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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Why can't you yourself tell him? Why do you always ask me to tell him? Is he not your own son? And why do your sentences always start with "kalau ada duit...nak beli..." You have to go and spoil my beautiful morning and put me in a foul mood, don't you? You keep on talking as if I wanna hear everything. Sometimes you really drive me crazy. I sometimes wanna pull out my hair literally. Somebody, anybody, take her please...to give me peace of mind for a few days at least.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, September 30, 2006

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Monday, September 25, 2006

I feel so helpless here at mom's place. I really must do something about the filth. Clean up before hari raya. Next time I'll come with Camelia. She can help me out. Not contributing money to the family also tear me apart. After paying our mounting bills we don't have much cash in our hands. I asked Ash if I could give a bit...at least $50...If not in cash then in filling up the fridge for the same amount. He agreed. I felt unfilial and irresponsible if I don't contribute anything. He almost never says no to financial matters concerning my family unlike some people's husbands I know. Ash is the best husband I could have if I overlook his stubbornness and his tendency to be quick-tempered.

I wish we could win the $2m lottery this week or the next week or the week after that. So much we could do with that all that cash. First of all clears all debts and outstanding bills. Deck my mum and MIL in gold. Give the family a treat in a posh restaurant. Complete renovation of our house. Get a maid for mum and MIL. Give each adult family member 5k or maybe even 10k as a gift. Doesn't pay to be stingy. Why not share? I would love to see someone shamed to experience firsthand our generosity. Don't have to mention the name. You know who it is. Open another joint account in another bank and put whatever left in there. Spend just the interest. Being rich doesn't mean we don't have to be frugal. It won't last long if we keep on spending. As you can see I spend enough time on this. it maybe a dream. Who knows it might come true someday soon?

i'm watching you...
Monday, September 25, 2006

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

Wo xiang ni bear bear :-(

i'm watching you...
Saturday, September 23, 2006

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Friday, September 22, 2006

I'm in one of my nostalgic moods. As I wait for the library 2 be opened, I'm remembering all the boyfriends I've had and the guys I came to care about a lot. 3 names pop in my head. A, Y and M. A - the one i was most passionate about. Y - the one I was most comfy with. M - the one I had most fun with. Sometimes I thought about R. He had loved me to distraction. I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had stayed with him.

I don't have regrets with the one I chose. I'm still very much in love. He's THE ONE for me. It's just that when I'm alone with nothing to occupy me, memories come and invade my head. I miss my "wild" times when I was free to do what I wanna do and with whom. Maybe that's why I always tell myself I'm not wife material. I don't want to be tied down permanently, officially to just 1 person. I wanna be free to fly. I still crave for love, the dangerous kind.

If I could remember my past loves, I guess Ash could too. Especially that sexual relationship he had before he met me.

i'm watching you...
Friday, September 22, 2006

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

I really don't like to quarrel with Ash in his mother's presence but he can be such a jerk sometimes. Don't know what Camelia did in the kitchen that make him swear vulgarities at her. I don't like him to do that. She's not some kid he pick out from the the streets but his own niece - his brother's daughter. Malas aku nak berbual dengan dia. MIL didn't say directly but from what she said, she said I was making a big fuss over a small matter. Aku jawap lah "anak mak tu...dia ingat dia betul je. Perangai buruk tak tau nak ubah dia nak kata orang pulak." Diam mak dia. I'm not a coward to keep silent when I know I'm right. But I can't be mad so long at him. I thought I would give a cold shoulder just now when he was leaving for work. I gave him a kiss at the side of his mouth - a sign I was upset with him. He gave me this puppy dog eyes that I can't resist while rubbing my arm in a conciliatory manner. When asked whether he was feeling guilty he denied...He just loves me. Auwwww how sweet!

How can I be immune to that?

i'm watching you...
Thursday, September 21, 2006

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