ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Thursday, July 27, 2006

V for Vendetta.

One of the most boring movies I had ever seen...if not the most boring. I almost...no, I do regret renting the movie. Even Ash dozed off halfway through disc 1. We have another movie to watch - Final Destination 3. It might be good...it might not.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, July 27, 2006

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Saturday, July 22, 2006

As I'm walking home, I came to the conclusion that no woman should trust words coming from persons with dicks. No matter how loving they are, how romantic, how sweet, how nice, we can never trust them. I should have known better of course but when did I ever learnt my lessons?

I thought he was the one, he said all the right things, all that I ever wanted to hear but now...where is he? Where's the reality of the promise that we will be together till fate says otherwise? He's nowhere to be found. He doesn't answer my calls, he doesn't reply to any of my sms. What did I do wrong? I don't know. He didn't tell me.

Hope - that;s what he gave me during the time that I knew him. Hope for me to look forward to my tomorrows and remember my yesterdays fondly.

Really too bad for him. I could have given him affection that he would never had...and had never had. I must move on. You're just my unfulfilled fantasy.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, July 22, 2006

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I hate having a fight with you because I never win and I hate to losing in anything. I'll be the one who give in first...I'll be the one who touch you first. I hate losing my temper because I'll say something nasty, something stupid that I'll regret later.

We've been together for so long and you still don't know when to let go in a quarrel. You said I'm this, I'm that and I bitch about you all the time but you know exactly how feel if you had bother to read. I'm not that difficult to analyse. My life is such an open book.

I do sometimes feel I'm a burden to you and the family. You don't really care if I'm here or at my parents' place, do you? If not for the kids, I would have been gone.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, July 18, 2006

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Sometimes he can be such a stubborn ass I wish I were bigger than him so I can slap him around until he can see my point of view.

Aunty Minah is hospitalised. From what I heard her diabetes has reached up to her eyes. She might go blind or....Her son said she doesn't recognise her own family.

Am I wrong to nag when he didn't want to visit his aunt who might not make it? His reason for not going is so lame - he's tired and needs his rest. Oh come on!!! If it were my aunt I would have gone visiting without waiting whether he allows it or not. It's been a while since his last visit to Mom's place but that's OK. That's my mother. But this is his aunt, his father's sister. I don't want people to say or even think bad about him but he has always been such a bull - a trait he inherited from his mother I guess.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, July 18, 2006

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Sunday, July 16, 2006

I watched a Tamil movie shown on to TV2 early this morning. I've watched it before but no harm in watching it again, just because my favourite actor, Vijay, was in it. *sigh* He's the man.

Sometimes I think I'm mean for being irritated with Ash when he was on his way out to work. He really makes me wanna do injury to him...perhaps hit him on the head...hard. I probably shouldn't blame him. It's his mother's fault. I couldn't help muttering to myself just now. The least she could do when he was growing up was to teach him to pick up after himself. Even the kid is treating her like an underpaid maid. The old woman is practically volunteering to be one. I'm not talking much to the kid for the past 2 or 3 days. I find that she'll start studying on her own initiative without me having to nag if I ignore her. I know I'm being mean but I do want her to get better results in her PSLE. I don't wanna be like my mother who used to nag forever.I don't want her to grow up, fucked up like me. She's already almost half way being that already. Remember that lame excuse of a suicide attempt?

The problem is MIL who still treats her like a 7-8 year old kid. She's almost 12...on the brink of womanhood. She keeps on throwing her clothes all over the place. She knows her grandma will hang them up for her. She doesn't iron her school uniform because grandma will do it for her. She washes her own dirty plate unless we finish our meal first.

So many things I could bitch about but I'm tired to list them all. MIL will never have the chance to rear up my kids. She'll just spoil them rotten.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, July 16, 2006

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

I know I've always wanted a man who's macho, not necessarily handsome, rugged, firm. who doesn't yield to me so easily. But then I also wanted a man who won't mind when I'm throwing a royal tantrum who won't look at me, annoyance apparent on his face. I want a man, who even when I punch him in the face or throw things at him or break his most treasured possession (of course I won't do that. I'm just saying I would), in spite of of what I might do, who will hold me tight in his big strong arms as I struggle, who will whisper gently in my ears as I swear at him loudly, "I love you..I know you are doing all this to gain my attention...and this is what you're getting...my undivided attention..." and then proceed to kiss me lovingly and make wild passionate love to me.

*Sigh*

It won't happen in real life...It's all in my mind.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, July 15, 2006

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The problem with you is you are so pre occupied with your family especially your mother that you make me my presence here feels so unnecessary. Maybe my mother is right. Having your mother around, you'll never change, you'll never have time for me, with me. Maybe my idea to move back to my parents' place has never been so tempting as it is n ow.

I mean what does my being here mean to you really? Except for sexual gratification, your mother can give you everything else. She cooks for you, does your laundry, irons your clothes, cleans up after you. She practically satisfies most of your needs. You don't need me. You never need. You might need my money (everyone does) but you don't need me now that I'm unemployed and broke. I don't want to put you in a dilemma but you were ever given a choice, you would always choose your mother over me. Always. Remember that trick question about who you are gonna save first when the ship is sinking? I rest my case.

I put my family aside for you. You could never put your family aside for me. I will never be at the top of your priority list and it hurts so much realising after denying it for so long. If it wasn't for the kids I would have moved back to my parents' place. I trust nobody to take good care of them. Not you who grossed out about their clearing up their crap. Not Camelia who would forget to feed them. Definitely not your mother who would lock them up in their cage and put the cage, with them in it, somewhere in the staircase area so far away from the house. People would either take them in or torture them, thinking they were being abandoned. I should have just married an orphan. Life would be easier then for everybody.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, July 15, 2006

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Friday, July 14, 2006

Foreplay...Most people thought that only happens before having actual sexual intercourse. Most guys (maybe even all of the male population) thought so. I beg to differ.

In my opinion foreplay should occur way before the making out session. I want to be wooed, courted, swept off my feet if I ever want to share the bed with you. Ash is a great guy to know but to have him a husband...bluwekkk!! He's so hopelessly unromantic. I'm not saying I'm a model wife but sometimes I wish he wouldn't touch me at all and other times I wish he would hold me in his arms as he goes to sleep. His foreplay skills are not bad. I think those men with husband material...Most of them suck in that department while the players..They are fabulous in pleasuring women. I don't ask much. It's ok if he doesn't perform as well as I expected but if he would only romance me withou sexual motives behind it that would be great. I admit sometimes I wonder why oh why did I ever think about settling down.

Don't really know when we are gonna to have kids. We can't think of even having one. Our finances is such a mess. And I have this strong suspicion MIL is bitching about me behind my back (as usual) to her eldest daughter-in-law. I guess I deserve that. I've been extremely lazy this entire week, not doing housework...I hate doing that...locking myself in my room most of the time. If I sit myself in the living room, most often than not, I can't watch the programs I wanna watch...And if I could watch the programs I wanna watch MIL would be yakking away, disrupting my concentration, irritate the hell outta me, giving me a head-splitting headache. I wish she would move out but where can she go if she do that? Nobody volunteer to take her in except for Siti. I'm sick of having to do things her way and I wish she could live with somebody else for a while, giving me time to breathe. I couldn't tell Ash this. He would think I'm trying to chase his mother out. When I'. out, I lock my bedroom door and hide the key. I hate the fact that she enter and invade my territory. My room is haven, my sanctuary when everything looks so bleak out there and she can't even respect my privacy. My life is totally boring now that the PC is burnt out. What can you expect from a garage sale equipment?

i'm watching you...
Friday, July 14, 2006

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