ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Mom's getting better. She can talk clearer. I don't have much difficulty understanding her like I used to.

Somebody 2 beds down from Mum is dying, I think. Her children and in laws and relatives came over for what might have been a last reunion. I didn't know the old woman but it was touching all the same to see how much she meant to her family. Some were sniffling, some were openly crying. My eyes were slightly moist too. And I'm thankful that even though Mum is bedridden for the time being, at least she's still around.

I got into a slight tiff with Ash yesterday. I wanted to visit Mum earlier because I wasn't there the day before. I wanted him to accompany me. You know how long since I had time alone with him...just the two of us? He told me yeah he was going...could we go in the afternoon. Afternoon came and he still stuck to the bed. Obviously he didn't want to go. Couldn't he just tell me so instead of making me wait?

I was mad. I was angry. He always did this to me. My side of the family means peanuts to him. I was feeling hurt. When his mother was admitted to the ward, I had always, always visit her....no matter how tired I was. I told him it was ok...I reminded him "ada lori ada bas". I have never been vengeful where Ash s concerned but I was beladi angry.

After a few nasty SMS where I told him to go to hell and I meant it at that point, he told me I treated him like shit even when he's my husband. Huh? If I was really doing what he had accused me of, would I have stayed so long? Would I have moved in with him? Would I have stayed when he was recovering from stroke? I could have left him there and then but I didn't because I love him no matter what. No appreciation at all.

I would have loved to reply to that message with a scathing remark but I didn't. I didn't want to make the matter worse. I tried to console myself he wasn't there with me because of his damn fever. He is such a baby when he falls sick. What I did say was for him to go and kiss his family's asses...all of them.He cares more about them than me. Am I being selfish? Yes...maybe...but couldn't he at least spend a little bit more time with me?

I always wanted to live on my own but I couldn't ask MIL to move out...can I? Where would she go? Though she claims she can stay with anyone anywhere, but how can I do that to her? No matter what my reasons are, I would be labeled a devilish daughter-in-law by her, by her children, by whoever who knows her.

It's really a daunting task living with somebody else's mother even if she is the very epitome of all that is good and angelic.

I feel so weak and sleepy. I got the virus from Ash. But still go I must to the hospital.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, May 28, 2006

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