ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

My day was great today until I reached home. Ash had an unlucky day today and he had to blow out his stress in my direction. He always behaves like this. Whatever problems at work, he just has to bring them home.

Talking about unlucky, yesterday wasn't as great as today. Elaine read my personal sms to him. I had told her to hang on to my handphone while I was on my way to the toilet. Another colleague of ours has this tendency to take stuff that was left behind. I never told Elaine to read any of my messages but she did and she had the nerve to tell me about it. Fuck it! I was really pissed because I didn't want her to know I had mended fences with him. She said she didn't understand the sms because it was too long and in English. I told her it didn't matter if she understood or not. It's plain courtesy to respect other people's privacy. I was so angry i couldn't lay my eyes on her. Sometimes she's a thorn in my ass. Whichever guy I'm close with, she must be there to make her presence be seen and felt. She's trying her best to steal my limelight. I already returned him back to her and still...she's chasing my other crush. Bitch!

Tomorrow I'm taking a day off. I didn't want to but I had to. MIL had a hospital appointment and her children are not free to accompany her. I heard her talking to Siti. She was insisting on making a new passport and she wanted her daughter around with her tomorrow. What's the point of me taking leave if Siti is coming along after all? Another thing...Siti said it is better if we bought a 6kg washing machine instead of 5kg. She's willing to pay a bit for it. Really...why does she have to be involved in matters that don't concern her? I hate feeling indebted to her. These people don't understand. I know my pay is not much but you don't have to patronise me. I could still afford to pay the bills..along with Ash. Ash...arghhhh I'm fakking fed up.

If you read this papa...I HATE BEING INDEBTED TO YOUR SISTER. I DON'T WANT TO OWE HER ANYTHING. I HATE HER INTERFERENCE IN EVERYTHING WE DO...FROM OUR MARRIAGE CEREMONY TO THE BLOODY WASHING MACHINE...EVEN CURTAINS. WHY CAN'T SHE KEEP HER NOSE OUT OF MY HOUSEHOLD? WHY CAN'T SHE KEPO ABOUT HER OWN HOME AFFAIRS? AND WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN'T STAND HER BOSSINESS IN MY HOUSE...A HOUSE THAT I HELP PAYMENTS WITH?? WHY CAN'T YOU BE THE MAN FOR ONCE AND TELL HER I AM THE WOMAN IN THE HOUSE...WITH YOUR MOTHER OF COURSE? WE DON'T NEED HER ADVICE LAH. I CAN'T TOLERATE HER WHEN SHE'S BEING "HELPFUL" THIS WAY.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, June 22, 2005

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

I mend fences with him. He made me realise that I was behaving stupidly...and immaturely...considering my age. I still stare at him whenever I see him around...and he smiled at me so sweetly. Aiyahhhh how can my heart not melt huh? I try not to be so obsessed with him, dividing my charms with the rest of the guys.

I'm unhappy with the fact that my brother-in-law has got the keys to my house. I was surprised that he along with his family were in the house. I knew my MIL was at the food stall. I told Ash he should have asked for the keys back. This is our house... Why should somebody else hold them? As usual he said it was ok. He asked for it when they got their new place. Itu pun kalau dia nak mintak balik. I know him too well lah. Kalau part family dia, sume ok punya. Makan hati siak aku!

i'm watching you...
Thursday, June 16, 2005

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I was going to blog last night but was distracted by chat. Yesterday I teased U, R1 and R2...even waved at A when I saw him but still I long for a glance from that one particular person. Kak Nah said most probably he felt just a teeny weeny jealous when he saw how close U was standing next to me while he was chatting me up. Kak Nah said he stared at us. Did he really? Was he? I don't know but my heart cheered up at the thought. He only had to give me a sign - a look, a smile, a sms...even a phone call - and I am all his.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, June 15, 2005

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Monday, June 13, 2005

Why did you look at me when you don't ever want to speak to me? Why did you have to stand there, at that particular place, knowing I would be passing you by when I went over to my locker? Do you think I would look at you while you were yakking on the phone? Why did you sit behind me in the bus, still talking loudly on the phone, when you don't even want to look at my face?

I was waiting for you to sms me...call me...anything...when I behave differently towards you. You were worried enough to message my friend when she ignored you. Why couldn't you show the same kind of concern towards me?

I can't and I won't talk to you. I made a vow I won't do that...unless you ask me why I behave the way I did.

Many times I found myself almost calling you. To stop myself, I deleted your number. But still I can't forget you. How could I when I see you everyday at work? I warned my friends not to mention your name in my presence. I almost hated my friend...If I hadn't liked a lot...I would have done just that.

The thing is you hurt me. But that's ok. I got your replacement. He's not you but at least it's better than having no crush...right?

i'm watching you...
Monday, June 13, 2005

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Thursday, June 09, 2005

Mas sms me last night lamenting about her husband. They are moving to their new home soon in July and yet they still have no savings. She said he's looking for a job...again but whenever she's at home, he's out with his friends taking pills. Don't ask me what pills; I don't know.

What can I say to ease her unhappiness? All I can do is to tell Ash about it. He might be the only one who can talk some sense into his brother's head.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, June 09, 2005

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Obviously my crush prefer my friend to me. That knowledge broke my heart. Here I was fantasizing about the good times we would have together while there he was worried sick, wondering why my friend seem to be ignoring him.

I could have jumped to my own convoluted conclusions if I were my friend. I know she likes him too and knowing me and him got something going on ruffle her feathers. If I were her, I would have sms him, discouraging him from ever being close to me. If I were her, I would have informed him I'm practically married. If I were her, I would have told him what a big flirt I am. If I were her...But I will never know for sure will I?

She told me she was scared I would fall for him so she showed one of his sms - about him saying nothing happened between us, about him asking whether she was angry with him, cajoling her to smile at him whenever they meet. I tell you right there and then, my fantasy world came crashing down on me. All this while I made a fool of myself over him. No more! There are other guys I can bat my eyes at.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005

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Fedal sial! Bila ntah dia bilang aku hari ni dia amik cuti pasal nak hantar mak dia for hospital appointment. Tak kan lah aku boleh lupa kalau betul dia bilang. Selalu camni lah dia bila aku ngarok. "Kan I dah bilang u tu hari"- ayat favourite dia. Nabey lah! Kalau dah inform aku tak au-au punya. Untuk mak sume boleh. Untuk keselesaan dia sume ok. Aku yang keje OT hari-hari dia tak ingat. Bukan nak ngungkit tapi hargai lah apa yang aku lakukan untuk famili dia. Famili aku sendiri aku tak hiraukan. Sebab? Why should I bother dengan orang yang lupakan aku? Dengan mak orang aku simpati, mak sendiri aku tolak tepi. Tu pun masih nak ngumpat hal aku padahal apa yang aku buat selama ni ialah untuk membahgiakan dia jugak. It's ok, it's alright. Aku tak dengar tak pe. Kalau lah eh satu hari aku ditakdirkan dengar, tu time baru dia tau aku sapa. Aku diam jangan ingat aku tak tau. Aku boleh sabar when situations warrant me to be tapi jangan pijak wayar aku ahhh.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005

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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I think he likes me even though my friend told me otherwise; that he's a playboy. That's a risk I know from the beginning. He got good looks so of course he got lots of girls chasing and falling for him. I only wanted to make him happy so that he got something to look forward to, that his stay here would be a memorable one, sweet memories that make him smile whenever he thinks of Singapore. It's not like I'm expecting us to get serious with each other. He's someone I want to flirt with outrageously.

His presence alone encourages me not to absent myself from work unnecessarily. My friend asked whether I could smile at him if I see him. Yesterday I would have definitely said no. I didn't even look at him...too busy with work...but today...today...yeah I think I could smile at him...maybe even blow him a kiss. I don't have to take everything to heart. why shouldn't I enjoy his company while he's still around? I just back off from pestering him with countless sms. Poor baby! He can't concentrate on his job.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005

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Friday, June 03, 2005

I am not happy today like I usually am. Sure I made jokes, laughed my head off but I felt as if all that was forced out of me. Things don't get better when he ignored me, either intentionally or not I'm not sure. Why does it always happen to me? Why is it that when I like someone, that person doesn't exactly feel the same way about me? Why do I have to fall for these kind of people? Why couldn't they just enjoy the attention I shower on them? It's a curse that I have been blessed with too much love in me.

All I ever wanted to do was to make the people around me happy...at my expense. And all I ever ask from them is that they like me in spite of the person I am. Is that too much to ask?

i'm watching you...
Friday, June 03, 2005

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Thursday, June 02, 2005

I went out with my crush. We went nowhere just to McDonald's for something to eat after work. AT first it was a bit awkward. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know when to look with him sittting in front of me like that. But once we started talking...fuhhhhhh...we forgot the time.

By the time he walked me to the mrt station, I knew for sure he likes me just as much as I like him.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, June 02, 2005

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Wednesday, June 01, 2005

He called me last night. He actually SMS me first, wondering why I didn't sit with him in the bus. How could I? I'm so beladi shy everytime I lay my eyes on him and he expected me to sit beside him?

We talked a while on the phone. It wasn't so bad. I could understand what he said heheh. I think he wanted to hang out with but I told him I was tired; could we do that some other time?

I adore his eyes. They mesmerise me.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005

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