ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Me and Ash went and met up with our chosen contractor yesterday. Everything was fine until Siti came. It was as if I was put on invisible mode when she is around. They were talking about which contractor he decided on and he said the second. I didn’t know which one was that and so I asked. He didn’t answer even though later he claimed he did. He was to busy paying attention to his sister; he didn’t even notice I was lagging behind. When we were there, the siblings sat down while I was left standing. He knew something was up my ass just by looking at my face. I could never hide my emotions well. After everything was settled I told him off, not in Siti’s presence of course, I told him I felt excluded, I tried explaining but as always he got mad without understanding why I made such a big fuss over it. It reminded me of my own fucked-up family. They often make major, life-changing decisions without consulting me. It was as if I didn’t have the right to say anything which was in actual fact, true. I may sound petty but if I don’t have any say in our new home, doesn’t that mean I am not important enough? Maybe I’m good enough to be just a follower. I’m never good making decisions but I wanted to be involved, be there when something was being decided, to be aware of what’s happening. He was saying stuff about having to do much ass kissing. Weird, isn’t it to ass-kiss your sister when you had worked hard to give her a good education for her to be where she is now? I hate it when he and his mother put her on the pedestal as if she was some kind of goddess…which she is definitely not. Or maybe I’m being my grouchy self these past few weeks.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, March 09, 2005

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