ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Saturday, March 05, 2005

I drove myself crazy yesterday thinking about having not enough money. Yea, what I got ain’t much so here we are trying to get more. We decided to get a bank loan but first gotta do an estimation of the lowest amount we need for renovation.

I was resentful of the fact that mother-in-law (MIL) suggested we borrow from Siti. No way! I knew she would say something like that but I had already warned Ash not to. I hate the way she demanded to know when the money would be returned even before she hands us the money. Bitch!

Another thing I wasn’t happy about is the fact that every time we have to make a major decision we always have to refer to her because she is “knowledgeable” about everything. Do I have to get back to her if I wanted to have kids of my own? I guess so.

And yesterday it was another one of those days when depression came for a visit. Ash knew me so well. He was there to comfort me. I told him about mum not calling me and about how I felt so used, how she used to need me but when her son came home, I was forgotten. Ash told me to go home and visit but I won’t. I’ve got my pride still intact in me. If people treat me like shit, like some stranger, why should I go running back to them? I told him I got nobody else to turn to except him and I confessed that I can’t live without him so that was why I kept nagging at him to quit smoking. If anything happens to him…He promised to buy nicotine patches. Maybe he was just saying that to make me happy but I hope what I said about couldn’t live without him had that much impact on him, that he realised how much he mean to me, in spite of me behaving bad often. Anyway I wanna show them that we are happy together, that I got a man who stands beside me, giving me support when I’m on shaky ground, who can give me things money can buy. I was a blubbering idiot because I saw our lives as bleak and hopeless. But Ash and me, we always manage to fall on our feet, we always manage to get by no matter how bad the situation is. We will survive this as long as we have each other.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, March 05, 2005

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