ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Ash was so sweet yesterday. He waited for me at the void deck when I came home from work late. Sweet because it was unexpected thing for him to do. Usually I had to ask him. He said he was in a good mood. Whatever lah baby. I love you = >
Other depressing news. Lin sms me at work last Sunday.

“Along, I just inform you k. The rest is up to you. Mak kau dah 3 hari nangis rindukan kau. Every time we talked she kept mentioning and asking about you. I just told her to calm down. Kau tau lah mak kau kalau dah nangis. Aku cuma cakap you are ok. And hopefully you will come and visit her one day. I’m sorry I interfere in your family affairs. But as I say try to forgive and forget. You are like my own sista, so I treat everyone of your family a part of me. Once again I’m sorry along.”

“Kan aku dah kasi tau kau dia don’t mean to chase you out, what he meant was to clear your stuff so that he could rent out your room and his. But he decided not to at last. Kau datang jengok mak kau not him sis. Mak kau cakap dia cuma nampak badan kau je time dia orang amik aku pat BMS after a few months. Yeah I know she loves your adik more than you but she loves you too dear. Aku sedih tengok dia meraung-raung panggil nama kau. Talked to anak mak kau, he told me “mama ingat papa benci kakak papa eh, papa saying kakak papa. She’s the only kakak I have you know” so I hope you cool down a bit k sis. Cuma aku felt masing-masing ada ego sendiri.”

“I told him and mak kau about how you felt left out. It seems like you don’t belong to this family. Aku cakap dengan adik dengan mak kau, dia orang should be aware about that.
It’s up to you lah k, aku cuma cakap je. Aku faham how you felt. Aku sendiri cakap dengan dia orang, if I were in your shoe, I probably would do what you do now. I don’t blame you. I hope everything will be ok one day.”

“Mak kau cakap dia tau dia saying adik kau lebih tapi dia saying kau dalam hati dia. You are the only daughter dia ada. Adik kau tak cakap pape lagi. Dia diam je but when he said that he loves you airmata dia jatuh. Ni sekarang airmata aku yang jatuh. Aku sedih tengok like that, u adik kau dengan mak kau.”

I told her I can’t go back. I’m still to angry to forgive and forget. What she expect me to do? Be unaffected after all that was said and done? She can, I just can’t do it. Of course I thought about coming home but every time I do that I remember what he said and I get hurt all over again. I’ll go home but not now…not long…and not alone.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, March 29, 2005

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