ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Another tiring day. Had many thoughts in my head.

I was thinking about starting a family business. We could open up a foodstall or something. All we need is cash. Lots of course. I did sugegst to Mum to get a stall when she had that money last time. As usual she didn't listen to me. She was busy throwing away all that money. Anyway kalau cita-cita aku tercapai, me and Ash could quit our jobs and concentrate on the business. Ronzie could be the chef, his wife can be the one taking the orders while me...I don't mind washing the dishes heheh.

As I was walking home, I thought about my mother. I miss her...and her cooking...I miss being in her presence. If she stop her incessant nagging, her neverending bitching about her siblings, her obvious preference for her son over me, I could be happy going back there. As it is, I am no longer welcomed. And I will not give way...will not yield...not until I get an apology from her..or him. I still have my pride. I have been bowing to their every whims and needs all this time. It's my turn now. I'm sorry for being that much an egoist but I think I got the right to be. Depressing :-p

Have to go to bed early. I'm am so tired. And hungry. I'm cutting down on my food intake. I am eating way too much my butt is getting wider and my jeans are getting just a little bit tight to get into around my ass area.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005

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Your Passion is Pink

Innocent and naive, you approach sex with a virginal mindset.
You tend to enjoy teasing and flaunting much more than actual sex.
You're a notorious flirt, and you can pick up anyone you desire.
As a result, your reputation is a lot steamier than your real sex life.

What Color Is Your Passion?

This is so true it freaks me out.

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually I prefer tequila shots right now. They make me get drunk faster

What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

I'm never drunk. I stop when I have enough to give me a buzz.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, February 16, 2005

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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Another day goes by. Fast huh? It seems like just yesterday I was bumming at home, doing nothing but played games online and chatting.

Another 4 or 5 days before I will be totally cut off from my internet access. How can I survive without having any terrible consequences? I don't even know if there are any cyber cafes around here.

Today macam tak de apa nak berbual pulak. Mental block for a while.

Anyway Allen, if you are reading this you hunky meat you, I hope you have a great time in Ireland.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, February 15, 2005

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Monday, February 14, 2005

I like Meeran just because of his webpage's title. Sheila got big expressive eyes and I like her farking entry heheh. Chengyee in Melbourne studying. Cat - simple and nice.

After a week off from work, starting work again turned out to be such a nuisance. But I do miss my friends. Lots.

Valentine's day. Where roses can cost as much as $13 per bunch when on a normal day it would cost half of that price. Where love is in the air. When you can puke in disgust seeing all the couples mushy mashy in public. I am not being a sour grape but really if you are sincerely in love with your partner, do you have to wait for the 14th February to show your appreciation for them? Why not do that every other day? Why only on that day?

Anyway I have never celebrated Valentine's day. Not that I don't want to. OK, maybe I don't want. I just think it is a waste of my time. Actually I was planning to catch a movie with Ash tonight...that Constantine movie starring Keanu Reeves. Too bad both of us had to stay late at work heheh. Another day then.

Another few more days and we will not be staying at block 845. We will be at 843 pulak. For the next two months, I don't think I have access to the internet. Maybe that is a good thing. Save money. Save electricity. Imagine the withdrawal symptoms I would been having for that two months of internetless heheh.

i'm watching you...
Monday, February 14, 2005

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

One thing never to do when we have kids of our own...

DON'T EVER EVER EVER SWEAR AT YOUR KIDS.

Been there. I just heard this scene tadi. Ash's mother swearing at Camelia saying mulut dia macam puki. I know it didn't seem that harmful but still...The kid cried, feeling hurt and I understood what she was feeling.

The things we humans can say to hurt another person.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005

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Monday, February 07, 2005

Beladi hungry. Just took a crap so I need something to fill up my tank heheh.

Another day at the lawyer's office. I have been taking too many days off. It's not that I'm lazy but all the process of selling one miserable house really takes time. ARGGGHHHH!!!! I still have another appointment in early March. I hope that is the last one. I really can't afford to take anymore time out from work.

I just remember that my sister-in-law (no, not the rich one..the other one...the one who got lots of kids) is organising a BBQ during the Chinese New Year. Duit lagi aizzzzz. Beats staying home for the week kan? Someone asked out to a beach date at Sentosa. Most probably in the afternoon after finish work but I hate to go in the afternnons. So damn hot lah! Where can tahan...unless you want to see me melt in the sun?

i'm watching you...
Monday, February 07, 2005

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I like Lulu's blog but I had a hard time navigating it to the right to read her entry because it is too dark to see. Nadra got lots of pics in her site and I'm gonna hang around her now since I just found out she has a cat. Bruce hates his flatmate and I can understand why.

Finally we found a house to rent. It is just at the next block. $750. Quite cheap considering we have access to the entire house. The flat is extremely clean and it belongs to a divorced guy. How cool is that? Frankly I am very excited at the idea of getting that new house at Yishun. New house, new beginning, new life, new future. I am really looking forward to that even though right now my life sucks.

I am not supposed to say anything about this but I will be rolling in some cash soon. All that for renovation of our new home and our impending wedding. I have some rough ideas about it. Firstly, I'm gettting married at home and we are doing the event at my sister-in-law's place. I have already got the cook which is Ash's brother. We might as well keep it all in the family. Ash had some doubts about doing it at one place, knowing my mother but I reassure him that it being my money and my life, I can do whatever the hell I want to. She can't protest. In fact she won't a word. I'm not using a single cent of her money like the first time.

Still waiting for a friend's recommendation about the bridal studio and the works. I think I myself would be looking around. Leceh kalau nak harapkan orang sangat. Anyway I got a very tight budget but I do want to look very good on that important day.

I know we'll be fine at our home in spite of what we had gone through for the last 3 years.

i'm watching you...
Monday, February 07, 2005

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Saturday, February 05, 2005

I followed Ash for his blood test check up just now at Boon Lay. Looks like he really need to buy himself a pair of spectacles because he failed his eye test heheh. He has to come down again next week wearing the new specs. If he is going to buy. A good pair can cost a lot.

Went to her house and gave her $150. It wasn't much but at least it was something. I didn't want to see her face. She looked...I don't know...fear? awkward?...I asked for my dad's address. I didn't even want to come in but because I had to write down the address I did come in a while. I almost blurted out to her that I was not supposed to enter since her son had already told me to get my stuff out of the house but I kept quiet. I didn't talk much. Aku salam tangan dia and left. Uncle was sleeping. My grandma was there. I didn't talk to them. They were sleeping. I don't know what she was thinking as I left the house. I hope she felt the utmost guilt. I wanted her to feel that way after what she said.

Thinking of visiting my dad in Kluang which is in Johor. I got his number but I think he changed it. Anyway I could write to him now, informing him of my visit...and my impending marriage. Of course I'll invite him down. I need him to be my wali. I'm inviting her and uncle too but not the son. I'm hurting still remembering his words. I didn't delete his messages from my handphone. A reminder to me...to him..when the time comes for a confrontation. Actually why should I care about him? I didn't for the past 1 and 1/2 years. He can go to hell for all I care.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, February 05, 2005

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Bla bla bla bla bla.

I have just been blog hopping and I found out that some people can yak for hours about their boring monotonous life every time they are online. Have you ever had to say to yourself "oh shut the fuck up already!" when these people narrate their daily routine starting from the early waking hours right until they go to sleep? I mean who cares what you do at 8:30 in the morning on Saturday? Or what you ate for lunch a week ago? I don't...not really...unless I was there eating with you and you were giving me a treat.

Why didn't they blog about the greatest orgasm they ever had? Or about that cute guy next door? Or about deaths? Or even mental meltdown? Do they have to blog about every single thing they did in a day? That is soooooo boring. I think even Ash is a better bitch than all of them combined.

Anyway this week has been a lousy week for me. I am officially out of my parents' house. Yeah my mother's son, that little angelic bastard, had finally smsed me, asking me to take my stuff out of the house. That was cool. I ain't coming back home anyway. I am taking my stuff away...my computer, my clothes...that's it. I'm not taking that bed and wardrobe. I didn't bought them with my money.

I seem cool now but I wasn't 2 days ago. I was a mess. I went home crying in a cab. Not my fault that. Hearing my own mother said something like me and her we don't have anything between us...that hurt. How was I supposed to act to that remark? If it wasn't for Ash...I don't know if I could still be here typing this.

Aku bukan nak ungkit-bangkit but after all that I had done for the family, am I being pushed aside just like that? All the tears, the heartaches, the headaches...all that came back to me. All a fucking waste. Dengan senang je aku kena bilis. It's like I don't exist anymore. You know mak...you might as well abort me then so I don't have to go through all this pain that your words had done to me.

I tried so hard to convince myself that everything that happened happen for a reason that for now I just can't see the logic. Everytime I was confident enough to face the world, somebody from my family take me down into the deep hole of darkness which I then had to struggle real hard to get out from.

Nak ngeluh panjang-panjang pun tak guna. I have often been the unlucky one in the family. Once Ash get our new house, we are going to start our new life with home renovations, wedding plans.

And talking about wedding, what do you know...I just heard the news yesterday that my ex husband, another bastard I used to know, is getting married on the 13th March with a 19-year-old DKK girl. How about that? And here I thought no woman is crazier than me to want to get herself shackled to that idiot. I was so wrong. Poor girl...heheh. I hope you know what you are getting into.

And Jewel thanks for all that bitching sessions you have shared with me. I had forgotten how to interact with my own kind.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, February 03, 2005

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