ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Very the tired. Got Christmas free dinner at work tadi. The funny thing about my boss is...he doesn't seem to know exactly how many people he has working under him. Because for the past 2 years he didn't order enough food. If he could only see how much food these aunties and kakak-kakak can eat aku rasa sure dia terperanjat katak.
Kak Zah pun macam siak. Aku kawan baik dengan dia...dia tak amikkan makanan untuk aku. Dia suruh leader pulak. I didn't say anything though I wanted to so much. Sume simpan dalam buku.

Company is organising dinner and dance on the 22nd of January 2005 at Le Meridien Hotel. Classy huh? But I can't fakking go pasal aku dah kat Melaka during that time celebrating Hari Raya Haji. Aku nak gi kampeni punya D & D lah uwaaaaaaaa!!! Apa lah nasib aku ni dorang buat on the weekend when I'm not here in Singapore? Nabey sial!

I want to make some amendments regarding to my last entry. Aku bukannya ajak korang gi umah adik ipar aku on this Saturday> I realised after re reading my entry it seem as if I'm inviting everybody who read my blog to come over heheh. No no no. I was actually asking if anyone would want to join me at Cheeky Monkeys in Mohd Sultan on Saturday. Anybody interested drop me a memo via email.

Somebody is ignoring me. Everybody seems to do that sooner or later.It's ok. Though I regret we have to come to this after knowing each other for so long, it's up to you. You are the one with all that ego shit in your brain. I would have welcomed you in my life again if you could have at least tried to understand that I don't need anymore negativity from you.

And I heard somebody is getting married soon. Congratulations won't be coming from me. By not letting me be in the know, you show me where my place is. You might not even read this but I know somebody from your new life would surely report back to you. Have a nice life. I'm looking forward to 2005 without your presence in mine =:]

Jovel - I think she can be considered a rich kid...or at least somebody yang ada sen. SCGS girl. Her blog is kewl. Too bad no tagboard so I can't tell her I like to read her entries

i'm watching you...
Thursday, December 23, 2004

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I had no choice but changed the template because the previous one fak me up soon after I typed in my latest entry...something about script error. Whatever!

I tried to download smileycentral again to put some funny facial expressions in here but was unable to. I don't know what Ash has done to the pc. He's always downloading some program or another...and most of what he downloaded are useless crap.

Oh by the way I'm going clubbing with some friends this Saturday. Before that I have to attend engagement reception at Siti's place. Her brother is getting engaged to a nice girl. Anybody interested to go along please email me by Friday.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, December 23, 2004

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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Hakuryu - This guy got issues (who doesn't?) but I'm a sucker for a guy who can gentel the guitar lah heheh.

Dropped my wallet in the company bus.I thought I either left it there or in the locker. At least I didn't drop it in the longkang ke apa.I was kancheong for a while. Worried for my IC and my treasured photo of me and Ash when he was the man. I mean he is still THE man...but he was THE MAN then. My line leader called me saying my wallet is in the safe keeping of the bus auntie. Phew!

Heard this at work.

Our toilet at work has 3 cubicles - one sitting down kind of toilet, the other 2 the squatting down kind. My 2 colleagues, Lee Yan and Chai Hong were on the left and right cubicles...the middle empty. So this aunty was waiting to go in the middle cubicle but I guess she heard someone in there. She informed whoever it was inside that she didn't lock the door. Someone replied that it was ok, they were all women anyway. Another person came in and told the aunty "Just go in lah. Nobody's in here right?" and she pushed the door open. And there was really no one in there! The weird thing is that Lee Yan heard the aunty had the conversation with somebody, she did heard 2 voices but Chai Hong only heard 1 voice...the aunty's. Isn't that scary? It scared me so bad aku sanggup tahan kencing till I reached JP. Sana berlambak orang kuar masuk toilet.

Mei Chen pun said she heard someone rustling plastic in the room where we take our plastic from. But she didn't see anyone there...just sounds. EEEEEEEEEEE!!! Akut lah gegerl! Start besok...all lights on please. Aku ni dah lah lemah semangat. All these stories freaked me out. Si kak Zah said no lah..kat toilet tu ada aunty tengah berbual kat phone. I think she was saying that just to reassure herself. She is as scared as me heheh.

If you are wondering where the fak you should put your comments in here...forget it lah. I decided not to put tagboards or comment sections in here. But you can email me your feedback about whatever. Word of caution though...anything you type in your email to me can and will be used against you in my blog either to highlight your story or for me to bitch about you publicly...so beware ok what you want to say to me.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, December 22, 2004

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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

So...what do you think? Cool or what? If you have sharp eyes you would notice I don't have many links here. Why? Because I thought I start afresh from scratch with blogs I really want to read. So if you don't see your name in here, you can email me at axlia99@hotmail.com and tell me and I will definitely link you in here.

And something new...I'm going to feature a new interesting blog in here everytime I post my entry of the day. I found 2 that I like Mel and Zuhri.

Me and Ash visited his mother today. She looked better and cheerful. Still coughing though. Her breathing retained that wheezing noise so probably she is staying longer than we had initially expected.

I bought myself a mood ring at a bookshop in TTSH which cost Ash $3.90. I was at first an unbeliever but the salesperson said I could try before buying. Yeah it did change colours as soon as I put it on. The ring turned blue which indicate I'm happy...and I am. I know semalam aku nangis macam nak rak kan...but everything issettled. I told Ash this morning it would be the last time he helped out his brother. I told him I don't want to quarrel with him about such things ever again. And he called and said "I'm sorry baby", the first time he apologised orally to me.

Some people working for Courts supposed to come today. I don't know whether they did. Nothing to do with Ash or me. The brother of course. Bought a computer using tailong money and sold it for don't know how much. Courts are demanding to repossess the merchandise. They would be lucky if they ever see it again heheh.

Kids, listen up. Don't do drugs. Ash's brother is a good example of what you could become if you do. Otak pandai-pandai jadi sayur dalam aisbox that has been kept too long. Too bad I couldn't take gambar abang with the wifey...couple of jerangkongs that's what they are really.

Ok lah. Ash is already snoring. I should be in bed with him. See ya!

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, December 21, 2004

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We had a fight last night. There are 2 things I don't like to quarrel about with you - money and family. But those are exactly what it was all about last night.

I never say anything to you about agreeing to allow you to give any cash to your brother like you claimed I did. I would never agree to that. Why should you help out somebody who you said give you problems since the day he move in with you? Why should you care for someone who blame your mother for everything bad that happened in his life? Why should you bother with someone who would rather listen to every fucking thing his wife he has known for about a year than someone who had given birth to him?

And because of that same person you refused to talk to me, you smoked, you left me in our room in the dark all by myself? Since the day I met you, I have never abandoned you in that way ever. But you did that several times. And it hurts that after all that we have been through, I still came second.

Yes, I know he is your flesh and blood but did you ever stop to remind yourself of all that he did to you and your mother? Yes maybe I am being selfish but this time round I had to speak out for your sake. I told you compassion doesn't have to be in you when he is concerned. Makin lemak lah dia knowing that he has someone who can be his ATM machine. Sure this time dia cuma mintak $5. What about the next time? Don't give him the feeling that he can always call you to ask for money whenever and whenever he wants it. Dia dah tua, dah nak masuk 40. He's longer a kid that needs to be spoonfed.

You know I love you. Why you think I cried so hard and for so long last night? I don't want to argue with you about family because no matter what they are still your family. The same goes with me. I have been biting my tongue trying not to say things that I'm unhappy about your family. Firstly I don't have the right to do so...yet. And for another thing, I don't want to hurt your feelings. I know myself. I'll say something nasty when I get angry.

Think about it ok darling? It's all for you I get mad last night.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, December 21, 2004

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Friday, December 17, 2004

Loss of blood. Backache. Extreme fatigue. Bloated. Swelling feet. Short fuse. Enough said?

Ash's mother looking better after my last visit. This time round she is more of her usual self - smiling and telling stories. Alhamdulillah. With the rate she is recovering she might be staying in hospital not more than a week...I think.

Life in the house with just me and Ash is pretty cool. It's like so...I don't know...peaceful? Like marriage. I've been thinking about having his kids for the past 2 or 3 weeks. I'm really surprised by all the maternal feelings coming out of me. I had been married once but I never thought of having kids then. But now...It's time. I really do want to have Ash's kids. I have already had names on standby for the future babies heheh. Anybody know any website where I can take a look at some Muslim names??

i'm watching you...
Friday, December 17, 2004

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Thursday, December 16, 2004

Before I start to babble on about my life, I just want to say lots of thanks to Jewel for taking the time to sms me today and be concerned about my life. And I want to apologise to you for me being so stubbornly loyal to another who in the end screw me in the ass. I'm sorry for letting my emotions get in the way. I want to thank you for offering me your ears whenever I need someone to talk to. I have always been the one who did the offering and so it's nice to know somebody carefor me for a change.

Fuhhhhh hari ni keje betul-betul macam anjing gila. Penat nak mampos! I have to do the packing at the sealing department all by myself. Diri penat duduk pinggang pulak sakit. But that's ok. I love the busyness of the job. Makes the time goes by faster.

Ash's mother is getting better, he told me. So maybe she might stay kat Tan Tock Seng for a week? Siti kata biar dia duduk sana lama sikit..some sort of retreat from her children specifically...the sons. Maybe when she is discharged, she is staying over at Siti's place. Nothing's been confirmed...yet.

Oh by the way, I'm changing the template soon. I have several on my waiting list. Tengok lah nanti bila I'm free and got nothing better to do, I will fiddle with the template.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, December 16, 2004

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Ash's mother was admitted to hospital yesterday. She got asthma, giddiness, nausea and I think berak-berak. I went to see her after work. Ash was already there because he took an urgent half day leave. By the time we left her, she was put on oxygen mask because to help her with her breathing.

Poor Camelia! She was obviously distraught leaving her grandmother in that condition. Mas, her step mum, said that when her grandma was fine, she was yelled at. Bila dah sakit tau pulak dinangiskan. Me? I understood how she felt. When I saw her cry I felt like crying too. We Scorpios tend to be emotional. I told her to stop crying because if she did not, I would cry too. I told her to pray for her grandma's speedy recovery. Told her to be strong.

It all started when Ash's mother ate all the tapai I brought home from work. Tapai tu panas. It wasn't supposed to be eaten at a large amount at one time. Mula-mula sore throat. Then fever. Giddiness soon came after. And most probably her eldest son's departure from the house on Monday (YEAH!!!) made her depressed. While visiting Ronzie, she witnessed he and the wife squabbling. Mana tak tensen orang tua tu.

I hope she get well soon. I feel I'm being unfair. Mak orang lain sakit aku risau. Mak sendiri sakit aku buat tak tau je. How can I not when I'm not sure whether mak aku tu betul-betul sakit ke atau drama je to make me feel guilty. Mak aku tu Oscar-winning performer.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, December 16, 2004

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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Karma by Alicia Keys

Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh
Oh
Oh Oh Oh

Werent't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door
And how I cry and try and try to make you stay with me
But still you said the love was gone and that I had to leave

Now you
Talking about a family
Now you
Saying I complete your dream
Now you
Saying I'm your everything
Your confusing me, what your saying to me
Don't play with me, don't play with me cause

What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me
What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me

I remember when I was sitting home alone
Waiting for you
To 3 o'clock in the morn'

And when you came home you'd always had some sorry excuse
And explaining to me like I was some kind of a fool
I sacrifice the things I want just to do things for you
But when it's time to do for me
You never come through

Now you
Wanna be a part of me
Now you
Have so much to say to me
Now you
Wanna make time for me
What you doing to me, your confusing me
Don't play with me, don't play with me cause

What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me
What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me

I remember when I was sitting home alone
Waiting for you
To 3 o'clock in the morn'
Night after night knowing something's going on
What's that number for b go-a-go-a-gone

Lord knows it wasn't easy believe me
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceive me
And never do what your suppose to do
No need to punch me boo cause I won't play you cause

What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me

What goes around comes around (yeah)
What goes up most come down
Gotta stop trying to come back to me

What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
It's called Karma, baby
And it goes around

What goes around comes around
What goes up most come down
Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me

At first I want to dedicate this song to any of my ex boyfriends who dumped me. But then I remember that they never did get the chance to do so because I was always the one who did that. So I dedicate the song to the people I used to know, who used to call me their friend, who toss me aside after my usefulness was stretched to the limit. Enjoy the song!

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, December 14, 2004

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I am so fucking mad at you. You really don't know how angry I am. After all the promises, the plans, you fucked me up at the last minute. You could have called...or even sms me...but you didn't. You made me wait out here for you like the bloody fool I am.

I was wrong. After all this time I should have known you better. You don't always keep your word to me. The worst thing is that I believed you...in you..totally. I thought you were my friend but like the rest of them, you treat me like shit too.

And you made it seem as if what you did is not that wrong. What is wrong with you? You kept saying sorry. I'm sorry but sorry doesn't get you anywhere buster! You know me for a while. Didn't you know that I hate people who break their promises? If you can't keep your word, how can anyone trust you? And trust is important in any relationship...important to me.

I really don't mean anything to you, do I? Since way before, it's always been like that right? I'm someone you can turn to when you need a little bit of pampering, when you need someone to listen to what you have to say, someone to hug you when you are in the dumpshit. Well, what do you know? Come on...join the "Let's Fuck Up Anis" club. You are certainly not the last member of the club.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, December 07, 2004

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Monday, December 06, 2004

I've been away for some time kan? Been busy packing up stuff. Going to move out soon. How soon I'm not sure. But I think soon is not soon enough. Abg Ash buat hal. Tadi Camelia baru pauto the idiot marah-marah mak dia till she cried. He asked for money. Mana lah orang tua tu ada sen kat tangan dia. Tadi she got some cash pun pasal nak gi beli buku sekolah. The sooner we move out the better. So the 2 jerangkong boleh blah.

Anyway...Ash dah decide nak pindah Yishun. That's the closest he could get to his siblings. The last resort, I told him, was to move to Jurong West...somewhere near my parents'place. Which is not really a bad idea. I could come over if there's any problem though I would be expected to be there almost everyday. EEEEeeeeKKK!!!

Soon I'll be changing my address. But that will be in another 3 months or so. I'll keep u posted. By that time however I won't be able to be online as often as I want to. Power supply, telephone line and internet connection will be cut off for the time being.

i'm watching you...
Monday, December 06, 2004

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