ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Sunday, October 31, 2004

I had a weird dream early this morning. It was so vivid it seemed real.

I dreamt I got to know this family. very rich, very nice. The mother was a housewife...I think. The father was a teacher. They had 2 kids - a son and a daughter. Very friendly, very nice. They lived in a condo apartment. I guess me and Ash were regular visitors at their place. At some point in the dream, both of us broke the lift. Somebody...a woman...remarked about how jakun we are heheh. Maklum rumah condo oiii.

The son was nice with me. Very gentlemanly. very understanding. Very patient. Flirty with me. The daughter was beautiful but not patronising. She and Ash got close. I wasn't jealous at first which was odd considering my nature. Until Ash said something about eating together. I remember the father fried some veggie. Ash didn't even invite me makan sama.I was hurt that when he went to the kitchen with the daughter, I left the house quietly. I heard footsteps behind me. I thought it was Ash but it wasn't though I never saw who it really was. Ash tak kejar aku pun. Usually when I leave in anger dia selalunya run after me. But this time no. Hati aku sakit sesakit-sakitnya sampai aku terbangun. Still felt the pain in my heart on waking up. I wrote down the gist of my dream on a paper. I didn't know why but I did it all the same.

Then I asked Ash whether he love me. He sleepily said yeah. Aizzzz..Dreams pun can make me feel so insecure.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, October 31, 2004

___________________________________________

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Take your time to listen to this. Cool song...so 80s..

What You Waiting For? by Gwen Stefani

What an amazing time
What a family
How did the years go by?
Now it's only me

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
(Ha ha ha ha ha)

Like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car
Scary conversations,
Shut my eyes, can't find the brake
What if they say that you're a cutter?

Naturally i'm worried if i do it alone
Who really cares cuz it's your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance cuz you might grow
Oh... oh ohhh

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock

Take a chance you stupid Ho

Like a new cut pattern, you're repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish

You know you're only known
Cuz of your sex chromosome
I know it's so messed up how our society all thinks (for sure)
Life is short, you're capable (uh huh)
Oh... oh ohhh

LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU'RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

I can't wait to go
Back into Japan
Get me lots of brand new fans
Osaka, Tokyo
You Harajuku girls
Damn, you've got some wicked style...

GO!
LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU'RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting for?
What you waiting for?
Take a chance, you stupid ho

Take a chance, you stupid ho
What you waiting for?
What you waiting for?
Take a chance, you stupid ho

i'm watching you...
Saturday, October 30, 2004

___________________________________________

On the way home from work at Woodlands mrt, aku terserempak dengan 2 lelaki. Mak kauuuuuu!!! Hensem giler the rabakz siak! Sexy beautiful bedroom eyes that make your knees weak. Aku tengok sambil lalu je. It's not nice to stop and stare. Besar kepala dia kalau aku tenung lama sangat.

When you have looks...very good looks...you will have no problems attracting the attention of the opposite sex. You won't only atract people who look as beautiful as you but also those who have mediocre looks ( macam aku lah tu) and those plain ugly lonely souls. That's just the way it is. Everybody is drawn to pretty things.

Another thing that bugs me for some time is kids. Parents should really teach their kids how to behave in public. I really detest kids who can't sit their butts quietly in buses, in trains, libraries, cafes etc etc...but aku lagi tak berkenan parents who physically discipline their children in public places. Nak pukul bantai anak ke nak pekik-pekik macam tarzan...tu semua nak kena buat kat rumah je lah. Tak payah nak tunjuk kat orang yang kita sorang je yang pandai didik anak.

Me? Aku ni definitely jenis mak yang suka bantai anak. Bila dah marah tu kan tangan aku ni ringan je nak lempang muka orang. I do love pampering children tapi kalau dorang ni kurang ajar siap badan dia aku bedal heheh.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, October 30, 2004

___________________________________________

Friday, October 29, 2004

Wohhhh what's with the anger? But it does feel good to let it all out. For a while it was good. For a while. I feel better...slightly better..but it won't be long before that depression sets on me again.

Excess baggage. That's is what it's all about. Maybe I should get on with my life and fuck care with the rest of the world. I should clean my slate thoroughly, start anew. Maybe now it's a good time to delete whatever junk mail I have in my mind, in my head...erkkk in my handphone? I saw a few numbers I quit calling long ago. No point keeping them. Owners never return calls. And I'm tired of waiting. And feeling disappointed. Move on!

Inventory today. I was feeling just a bit hyper. Not fasting but I didn't eat. Tak de kawan. Kak Zah dah start puasa balik. Nevermind. Good way to lose the flab on my tummy.

After last quarrel with Ash...

Mama OT ke...tonight we don't fight k...papa sorry k baby

I kept that message in my handphone. It's not everyday he realised he was wrong. No need to know the details of the quarrel just that I was feeling unappreciated. Instead of reassuring me, dia buat bodoh. I don't argue...not anymore. I rebelled in silence. I didn't talk...I diverted all my calls to his. He got the message heheh. I was more hurt than angry. But he was sweet. And I am too much in love with him to stay mad long.

I decided to make another blog. Aizzzz that other one...I don't know what username I used or what password I chose. Ni lah dia akibatnya kalau dah tua.

Something's coming up. Maybe I stay home je. People at work sure would think of something to do for me. I don't like the attention...

i'm watching you...
Friday, October 29, 2004

___________________________________________

Thursday, October 28, 2004

I'm wallowing in self-pity now. Lots of it.

It's not enough that one of you have to fuck my life up. Why must all of you do that at the same time? Why give me hopes then you fuck me up again and again? What did I ever ask from you? Is it too hard to be just a little bit nicer to a pathetic soul like mine?

All I ever wanted from you is some attention. Why is it you always give me shit? I know you helped me out when I needed it but how come when I need to be saved you are not there?

All those crap about me being friendly, the best bla bla are just that - bullshit. If I was that good how come I always find me myself alone and miserable? Is being cruel and harsh - will that make me more appealing to you? Being all sugary and sickeningly sweet - does that make you want to vomit blood?

It's not enough that you got me wrapped around your little finger. You just have to make me feel depressed too? What is it that you want me to do just so I mean much more to you? Do I have to be dead and buried to be appreciated by the whole lot of you ravenous vultures?

Why couldn't you be appreciative of me being me? Do you think there are other people just like me who can tolerate with your fucking shit all these while? I didn't harrass you...I didn't make a fuss when you abandon me when I need you most so what the hell you want to wring me dry this way?

I wish I could just tell you to get the fucking hell outta my life. It's better to be alone than to have people around you saying they love you but still leave you behind. I want to shake you and yell in your face we are finished...I don't need you...just like you never needed me, the person. You just need me to satisfy your sexual desires, you need me for my listening ear when you need someone to talk, you just need me for what I can give you...but not me the person.

It doesn't matter who you are. Right now I ain't got love for you. I hate you. I am tired of being a bloody obliging fool who come running whenever you snap your fingers. Leave me alone. I don't fucking care how long. You can not call me. I won't die. Even if I do die, what is it to you? I am shit in your eyes. Always will be, always have been.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, October 28, 2004

___________________________________________

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Unable to log in to my other blog for the past two days. Maybe the username is wrong. Or it the password? Dammit! Ni lah akibatnya kalau lama tak gi blog sana. I needed desperately to talk about some stuff I cannot reveal in here. Too personal. Too damaging. Too everything. Nak confide in someone I don't have anyone. So better shut my mouth and zip it.

About the other thing, I was pestered to confess. Hated that feeling of being cornered. Didn't actually make me feel any better after voicing out. The other party? Ntah. Macam tak ada reaction. Kalau ada pun dia tak cakap apa-apa. Senang cakap lah I meant nothing pada dia.

Nak tengok citer The Grudge tapi aku ni penakut. Memang lah aku tengok dengan Ash..but still...the nightmares, the inability to sleep peacefully, the paranoia *sticks out tongue* Gerenti kan aku tengok with my eyes close through 3/4 of the movie...or maybe sampai abis citer.

For the first time since aku dah pandai berkawan dengan orang, somebody said aku ni ego. I was like huh??!! Me ego? Nahhh I think I was just being unapproachable to that person. Abih nak buat camne? I just got to know that person pe. I can't be all that friendly and frivolous and mentel-mentel. Not my style. Unless you are somebody I'm comfy with, I reserve my friendliness until you are worth it.

Am attempting again to log in to that beladi blog.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004

___________________________________________

Monday, October 25, 2004

I am not going to tell you anything after I did some serious thinking about the consequences. I didn't want to jeopardise what we have. I should have kept my mouth shut then but I didn't because at that time I thought you were being unfair. Maybe you are but that is your choice...not mine. I am going to keep quiet.

i'm watching you...
Monday, October 25, 2004

___________________________________________

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Early in the morning 6 o'clock
Ash had to saved me from a cockcroach

Heheh lucky for me he isn't the squeamish kind of a man. I was taking a shower when I noticed a cockcroach sharing water with me in the sink. It wasn't that big but still...aku ni geli dengan lipas. Nasib baik aku nampak. Kalau tak...dia merayap kat kepala aku ke apa...pengsan aku. Cockcroach rank number 2 in my list of things that gross me out. Winner of the list is jeng jeng jeng CICAK!!! It doesn't matter lah if it's real or a fake one. Totally freak me out. The other time Kak Zah bawah a fake lizard to work and the others teased me with that, I cried. EEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWW!!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME U IDIOTS!!!

The ironic thing is that Ash called me cicak kobeng sometimes and I used that nick when I chatted on MSN. That doesn't mean I like lizards, do I? Talking about them buat bulu roma aku naik.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, October 23, 2004

___________________________________________

Thursday, October 21, 2004

I just went through a blog. Kinda sad with what happened to her. Lost of a loved one through death or a break up...that must have hurt. Much. It makes me realise not for the first time how lucky I am having Ash around. Sure we have our ups and downs. Who doesn't? But at least I am not alone.

I don't want to sound pathetic or dependent or whatever but I don't know if I could go on living without my darling. I am so used having him...that living without him...I didn't want to think about that at all. I haven't much experience about death happening to my loved ones but if ever God says it's time for Ash to go over to him, ehmmm food for thought. Even thinking about staying over at my mum's place is out of the question. A lifetime of separation is not in my agenda.

Not that I'm praying for his fast demise but really who am I without him? Just a girl without looks but with a frequent tendency to be emotional. Tell me who can tahan dengan perangai aku? Even friends who are close kadang-kadang rasa macam nak tempeleng aku especially when I am in a sarcastic mood ( I think lah...but is it true? Aku tak penah tanya dorang pulak heheh)

To that person who lost her loved one, I'm sorry. But I think you are a strong person. You even share the same philosophy with me "everything happens for a reason". It's true. Maybe you would find somebody better. I hope you will.

What's happening kat Geylang? I have yet to go. Aku memang suka go there masa puasa. All the smells, the noise, the colours, the beautiful people I can look at. Maybe this year will be lucky year. Mana lah tau terserempak dengan kawan lama ke matair lama ke heheh. Somebody I got a crush on refused to set foot there. Even if I asked him nicely. He said it's always the same thing over and over again. Is it? Nahhh!! The girls are getting prettier in spite of their big butts (watzzup with that eh??!!) and the boys are handosmer in spite of that stupid tapered jeans they love to wear. Kenapa lah tak pakai jeans biasa? Tapered!! Sapa punya fashion idea tu? If I was 16 years younger and my boyfriend pakai tapered pants, I would force him to take it off and burn that in front of him. At least zaman aku remaja, abang-abang pakai seluar ketat nak mampos. Wonder how their balls could breathe though heheh.

Not working today.

Not fasting.

Taking the medicine left me drowsy. I slept about 4-5 hours. Besok tak boleh makan ubat. Beladi doc gave me one day MC. Damn the fever not come to me pulak.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, October 21, 2004

___________________________________________

Not sick enough. My plan was to sleep naked, switch on the fan at full blast together with the cold air from the air cond. Definitely my flu would get worse. It was when I slept before 9. Early huh? I didn't sleep enough for the past week. That was my plan. I couldn't sleep in the nude because Camelia was tapping away on the computer. I already told her sometimes I need some privacy with her uncle after we get married. She has been following my butt for the last two days. Pest! Then while I was snoozing away, Ash switched off the air cond.

But still I'm not going to work. My body temperature rises up in the cleanroom with the cleanroom suit covering me up, increasing my body heat a few notches, the face mask made me unable to breathe properly, I had to uncovered my nose to let fresh air in my lungs. Anything to not to go to work heheh. Honestly, my body is tired with all the late nights. Semalam aku dah give up tak OT, what with my head punding with the headache and the air cond not cool enough and Saber Calypso. Beladi thing susah nak pack. Kept on sticking together. Nak kena hentak sikit-sikit baru boleh separatekan.

Pagi sahur somebody was in the common toilet. Si dua biawak tengah mandi berdamai. Must be all the fakking sessions *sticks out tongue* Then the toyol said to the mother "wake me up at 6:30...I'm going to work". Tak tau lah dia dengar ke tak eh tapi Ash retorted "ada bini buat apa?" I and his mother shushed him. Nanti tak pasal-pasal bertekak pulak. Have to be patient. Won't be long now before the house will be sold. A few prospective buyers had already took a look at the house but no commitment yet. They won't want to move in now. Most probably after the festive season.

Oh by the way Robbie Williams has a new single "Radio". I didn't recognise his voice at first. He sound so different. Not bad the music.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, October 21, 2004

___________________________________________

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Misunderstood.

I said one thing but somebody else interpreted it wrongly. I took the time explaining but unsure whether my point got through or not. Should I care? I didn't want to but I did. Read carefully huh? If in doubt you can always ask. Suppressed feelings is no good.

Very tired. Shouldn't have Ot till 9 but I did. I slept in the train on the way home and drooled *blushed* Nasib baik nobody was watching me. Nasib baik aku sadar before my drool drip to my black shirt. Eeeeeuuuuuwwwww!!!

Still having a slight fever with alternate runny/blocked nose. Kesian eh aku?

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, October 20, 2004

___________________________________________

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Had a slight fever yesterday. I couldn't talk much at work which was unusually for me. A colleague thought I was in bad mood. I can't talk too much because I felt like a frog got stuck in my throat. Ash did say if I wasn't feeling so good today I could take the day off. I took a couple of panadols and the fever subsided a bit. I'm left with a nose which got runny one moment and blocked the next. I didn't know from whom I got this flu. None of the cleanroom people got sick. I would have taken MC semalam if I could. No money to go see the doc. Nevermind. Semalam dah rugi 1 hari tak dapat OT. Lethargic and backachy. Feels like my PMS coming soon.

Ash talked about registering for marriage soon. I don't know when exactly when but soon. I thought we could get married on the day we met which is on the 21st of March next year. Isn't that romantic? It's on a Monday. Depending on when I get the money on the sale of my Sengkang flat lah actually. He was thinking of applying a house using my name as co-owner and his mother's as occupier. Might get a grant? I think so. He is going to ask Siti about it. His sister is so knowledgeable about these kinds of stuff. Pray for me huh?

Still haven't got around to spring clean my mother's place *slaps forehead* Imagine the mess. Makes me shudder. I won't be getting much help from her. Her excuse being dia sakit. We both hate housework but sometimes you got to do what you go to do. You ain't got a choice. I wish she is a little bit helpful in this. Can't always depend on me kan? I got to work and the only off day I have is the day I rest and laze around. I guess I have to go there this weekend. Maybe I bring Camelia along for the ride. And maybe we could go Geylang after that. I thought I go look around for something nice and cheap to wear on Hari Raya. Ash did say we don't have to but I am determined to find something for us to wear. For less than a $100. And I am definitely determined to go out and about visting his relatives with him this year. We could go to mine another day because they will be visiting Mum on the first day. I hate Hari Raya. I really do. Maybe if I got my own kids that will be a different story. Ada duit masuk pe.

Talking about kids, I should reprimand Camelia. She has been asking her grandma to buy her baju raya yang mahal-mahal. Ash's mother didn't say anything outright but I know when she said kasut yang Camelia berkenan tu $25 and the bag that she likes is another $25, she is indirectly asking Ash for the money. As if Ash got lots of it. Got to have a talk with that kid. Must find something cheaper. Cheap doesn't mean tak lawa pe.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, October 19, 2004

___________________________________________

Saturday, October 16, 2004

The first day of fasting went well. Not much hunger but I did feel a bit lethargic around 5. Masih boleh OT sampai pukul 9 lagi. Aku dengan Kak Zah were the only 2 Malays yang rajin heheh. Ash didn't fare that well. This is his first time fasting while working in the day shift. Usually while he was on the night shift (before the stroke) dia buka puasa and sahur at work and spent his day at home sleeping. Lucky burger! He is sleeping now while I am getting ready for work.

Somebody I dislike intensely at work pakai tudung siak semalam. Tudung dia cantik...kaler pepel. Dia pun cantik jugak...NOT!!! Was bitching about her dengan Kak Zah. Dah kurang pahala puasa aku semalam heheh. I wonder how long she is going to wear the beladi tudung. Will it be just during the fasting month or sampai bila-bila? Kalau setakat nak pakai tudung time puasa je lah kan, I think it is so hypocritical on her part. Tak semestinya time bulan puasa je pe nak tutup segalanya. What about the rest of the year then?

A Chinese friend tanya aku bila pulak aku nak pakai. *gasp* Aku? Pakai tudung? Can you imagine the scandal of me wearing tudung? Aku pakai baju kurong je orang dah kecoh..apa lagi pulak tudung.I told her I am not ready yet. She told me orang-orang MElayu kat MAlaysia semua kena pakai. I asked her balik what is the point of wearing the tudung kalau dedah badan pulak? No offence lah kan to the Malaysians. I am half Malaysian. My dad orang Johor pe. But really minah-minah sana memang pakai tudung tapi baju tak tutup aurat. Pakai baju with short sleeves exposing the arms. And I know a few girls yang look so demure and innocent tapi kasi body dengan jantan just like that. What's up with that?

Nahhhh I will not be wearing the tudung anytime soon. Don't hold your breath.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, October 16, 2004

___________________________________________

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Stick a knife in my heart and twist it.

It's not enough that you always make other people more important to you in your life, you had to say words that hit me in my vulnerable spot.

How could you have accused me of trying to cause you another attack? Just because I was horsing around with you. Is horsing around with you a crime? I can't do things things right with you. What exactly differentiate you from my mother? You both are almost the same. Drain me out until I got nothing left in me.

Tears don't sway you no more like it did before. I was telling you the truth when I said you changed. Don't make your circumstances an excuse for the change in you. You were already changing way before that. Why didn't you see that?

You give me hope, you give me love...and then you took it all back, waking me up from my fanciful dream. Oh, you are definitely the one for me...but I'm not exactly the one for you.

It was my mistake in surrendering my heart to you. I should have known better but I cannot help it. I am always like that. When I give, I give it all. And that's where I am a total idiot.

I am not like you...following your brain every step of the way. I am governed by my emotions. That's me...intense me. I was trying to kill the green-eyed monster in my mind but you are not helping me, are you? You gave me reasons to doubt you...and doubts are no good in any relationships.

Yesterday I could almost hate you. It's a thin line where love is concerned. I wish you had never met me. Could have saved you the misery.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, October 14, 2004

___________________________________________

i'm watching you...
Thursday, October 14, 2004

___________________________________________

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

3 days before fasting month will start. Or is it 2 days? # days lah counting today. Fasting good for people who want to eat less. Might even lose a few kilos...provided if you don't overeat yourself time buka. I don't mind Ramadan..it's Syawal that bothers me. I dislike Hari Raya. A season for hypocrisy, tears and insincerity in my life. I don't understand why people have to shed some tears bila nak mintak maap...That includes me also lah. Memang lah aku banyak buat dosa. Must be the high level of emotion.

This year would be the second year we celebrate without the prodigal son. Last year I was kinda expecting him to be standing at the door but he wasn't there. I wonder if he will be back this year. I would have forgiven him immediately if he had return ed and put a smile on my mother's face. Aizzzzzz...

Yesterday was not good. Heard rumours that the cats at work nak diangkut. I thought somebody call the SPCA but actually a technician at work with the help of a delivery man caught some of the cats and moved them somewhere else. Too many around. It wasn't that bad is it? At least my favourite managed to run away before he caught. Clever boy!

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, October 13, 2004

___________________________________________

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Indecision.

I should go home come this fasting month. I was already considering to go home..but at the last minute my heart refused to listen to my mind. I thought of being home during the weekdays and return to Ash on the weekends. Broken down washing machine, nagging, no peace of mind, the mess - all these make me hesitant. And most of all being away from Ash. I could have saved about $80 on mrt and bus fare but I just don't think I'm capable enough to go through it.

Had a long talk with a girlfriend. Shared some deep-buried secrets of people I once knew. I can't say I was surprised knowing but still...Don't judge a book by its cover. How so true! I tried not to but sometimes I can't help it.People are not as bad as they appear to be. Seemingly angelic facades do not mean a person is perfect and wild behaviour doesn't mean that person is without morals. Go figure.

Working my ass off and still always broke heheh. Aizzzzz I know I should be contented with what I have and I do but having lots of cash would have helped smooth my life. Doesn't we all need money?

Lost sudden contact with an old friend. I don't know whether he is still alive or not. Nak sms dia nanti dia kata aku pestering pulak but it would be nice if he could have at least inform me if he is ok. Maybe he was busy fakking his Italian stewardess girlfriend.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, October 12, 2004

___________________________________________

Sunday, October 03, 2004

I forgot I know of some people who claimed to be my friends. I won't call them friends actually...merely acquiantances I barely know. The type who asked you how you are...and in my case asked me when I'm getting married...They don't really want to know about your life. Dorang cuma nak menyebok je. Once they got anything worth gossip about, they left you. "Friends" like this I don't need.

A person messaged me on Yahoo tadi. Maybe she was nice to me in the hope of getting a marriage invitation. I don't even know when so no rush lah. Kalau nak makan nasi minyak sangat, you can go to any wedding receptions pe. I don't even like her that much. I thought she was a drama queen who exaggerated everything in her life. And most of all she's boring. Sorry to sound superficial...she's ugly...worse than me. I look cuter beside her hahaha.

Few things happened last few days. Most important of all, my flat I co-owned with my ex hubby is on the open market...He already found a buyer. If everything goes well, I would have cash in my hand in a few months. It won't be much but it would be enough for me to kawin lah. YIPPPEEE!!! I told Ash to marry me first and then I help him settle off his debts...our debts. Money-grubber? Nahhh..I just want to make full use of the money. Kalau aku tunggu time would lost. Bukan selalu dapat duit terpijak macam gini.

I paid SP $250 so my parents will not be in the dark. Talked to uncle about Ash living with them for a few months after his flat is sold. Everytime I think about that I feel like slapping my head a few times. Tak tau lah camne mak aku behave nanti. Will she be bad? Will she be good? I don't know. Ash already knew that she told me to dump him. He read my blog the other day. And he knew the reason is because she thought he would be useless. I told him...I reassured him that was not true. She can say anything but that doesn't change the fact I love him so. Once I'm married, my relationship with my mother will be changed. She can't bossed me around no more. I don't know if that is a good thing. It is lah for my part...tapi nanti mak dengan Ash pulak tak on good terms. Susah datang siak!

i'm watching you...
Sunday, October 03, 2004

___________________________________________