ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Thursday, September 02, 2004

I got a call from somebody unexpected. An ex-boyfriend's wife. Yeah I was having an intense relationship with her husband...maybe more intense on my part. Anyway she called because as she put it she "didn't have anyone else to turn to". Dia ngadu pasal laki dia, my ex.

Her story was her husband asked her to take 2 days' leave because their 9th wedding anniversary was I think semalam. I supposed he wanted to have a romantic night with the wifey but she said they can't go anywhere just the two of them because their 2 kids pun nak ikut. Just because of that both got flared up and argued. Last-last all plans got scraped.

I told her why don't ask her mother or any family members to look after the kids. Aku bukan lah nak blame dia but she herself is trying to make her rocky marriage worse. Why not ikut je cakap laki dia this time round? Have fun together, without kids to hinder? Aku pun tak side dengan laki dia. Perkara kecik nak dibesar-besarkan for what? Tak kesian ke dengan anak-anak? I came from a broken up family so I know lah the pain of growing up without my father.

You know what? Tadi I was thinking kan of asking the girlfriend for her hubby's number, I'll call him up and then aku skendel je dengan dia. Dulu pun masa aku dengan dia, we didn't spend our time hanky panky je. We sat down and talked and did stuff girlfriends-boyfriends do. And I also advised him to make amends with the wife and think about his kid ( he had a son then). Bini dia ni pun ok actually. Dia tak de serang-serang aku, maki-maki ke or harrass aku on the phone. Understood my pain when I had to let go.

Aku rasa lah kan but this is only my opinion, both my gal pal and the husband wanted different things from their marriage. I know the hubby suka kalau bini dia cuddle him. I always did. My gal...I guessed she wanted her hubby to be there for her and be less hot-headed.

I wish they don't have the need to divorce. They had been together for more than 9 years. Such a waste to let it all go to waste kan? Both still want to hold on to the other. If only they sit down and talk, compromise, and don't let anger rule their hearts, all would be alright again.

My first love. That was what he meant to me then. I was married and so was he. The difference being I was almost out of the marriage while he was still stuck in a supposedly unhappy one. I fell in love with him so deeply because he was so totally unlike my ex hubby. He was there every time I needed someone to hold me, to kiss me blind, to just be there. My ex...aizzzzz macam mana nak cakap eh? Aku agak lah eh ex aku tu kawin dengan aku just to make me his baby factory. That's it.

I knew then what I was getting myself into but I didn't care. I was so in love. I am never one who love half-heartedly. I did prepare myself for the inevitable day when he would leave me and return to her. I did urge him to. I had already decided to be single again while he remained unsure till today. I still remember that fateful day bawah blok umah aku kat Sengkang. Somehow or other I had this depressing feeling something bad was going to happen. And I was right. He had made up his mind to return to his wife and leave me. He talked and talked while me...I was trying to control my tears. I refused to cry in front of him. Bila dia blah je...fuhhh hujan turunlah lebat muekekekeke.

I can't remember lah exactly how long I cried myself to sleep or how long before I got over him. Might be a month...a year...lama lah before I can think about him without rasa sakit. I can't even go to gatherings where I knew he would be there with the wife. Very hati sakit you know. We were supposed to go to KL for the annual Yahoo! gathering on bike. I have always love riding bikes. At the end I go alone on a bus by myself. But that's ok I got a new boyfriend there :=)

i'm watching you...
Thursday, September 02, 2004

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