ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Ash settled Mum's power supply bills last night. He borrowed money from his younger brother's boss. Nasib baik Ronzie boleh tolong. When Mum called pagi semalam, i told her most probably her electricity would be back to normal today. I expected her to say thank you or say something like where I got the money or "sian kau eh..mak asek susahkan kau je" or something like that. You know what she said? "Pukul baper?" referring to what time would it be connected back. Blew my top at her again. How would I know what time? Akud ah bayar sudah lah. Tanya aku pukul baper pulak. Kalau aku ni CEO company tu memang lah aku tau what time. Nabey kan tu? Then she rubbed salt in my anger. She said again pity uncle. Fak! I shouted at her. No, I didn't say fak to her lah. I said asek-asek kesiankan uncle. Sapa pulak nak kesiankan aku? I mean didn't she even wonder mana aku cekau duit? Tanya lah aku dapat dari mana ke apa. If she had asked yesterday I would have said aku gi jual puki aku kat lorong. I told her to cut the conversation short. I was going to start work and hearing her out left me sour-faced all morning.I cut her off before she could say anything more.

I felt guilty later but what to do? I know what she would do. She would sit down somewhere kat bawah blok rumah tu then nangis. Tu je yang dia tau nak buat. She can't help me out. She didn't even give me encouragement to be strong when she knew that my life sucks big time now. Sometimes she said she worried for me. Worry? She doesn't even know the worry I always have when I think about her and uncle. How to pay the bills and still have cash left to buy her the monthly groceries. All she has to do to help me is not to fak me up with the bills. I refused to pay the phone bills. LEt the line be dead. She can always call me from the public phone. I scolded her once for the overseas call. Pas aku marah dia when I get the following month's bill, mak aku macam buat tebiat pulak. She called more frequently at longer times. As if she protested againt my nagging. So potong sama dia. I am not going to pay anytime soon.

Most probably I am not going clubbing either. Actually after typing that down, I am 100% NOT going.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, September 25, 2004

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