ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Monday, August 30, 2004

Am watching "Extreme Makeover" now. Ada lah pompan ni..she has been having low self-esteem for the longest time because she's the ugly one among her siblings. What makes it worse mak dia pun sekaki put her down saying something like how come she's not as pretty as her other sisters. Mak macam gini pun ada eh? Instead of reassuring her daughter...comfort her apa ke..her own mother can say something like that. It hurts and I understood why she wanted to go for an extreme makeover.

Lermekkkk Ash is going through the bills...my parents' bills. I am too much a coward nak gi tengok sendiri. He's grumbling. Aku buat nderk. Aku cuma tau dapat gaji bayar je. Cakap dengan mak suruh pandai-pandai jimat pun tak guna. Tak nak dengar kata. Nanti label aku bodoh lagi ada. I really can't be bothered to get angry. Nanti mak aku tu..tau lah..orang tua...step sensitif pulak..nangis-nangis lah...nanti cakap dia nyusahkan aku lah..gitu lah gini lah. Aku tak mau dengar from both her and Ash. Stresses me out. Ash dah start au-au...alahaiiiii!!!

i'm watching you...
Monday, August 30, 2004

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Sunday, August 29, 2004

ash said my lips are sexy in this pic..i look more like a mad woman with all that uncombed hair huh? but he's sweet...kata bibir aku sex...first time he ever said that...camelia on the far left, her sista puteri the mentel one n honey the waaa waaa crybaby the youngest

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 29, 2004

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muka ash early in the morning..tengah bingit pasal i ask him to upload pics from digicam and the program fucked up

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 29, 2004

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Friday, August 27, 2004

Feels useless and unneeded after...aizzzz tak yah sebut lah. I'm just being difficult...and tiresome.

I need some cuddles but he's snoring away. Why is it I couldn't just stretch my legs out a bit and kick his ass off the bed? Love huh? I guess so. And I have no energy to indulge in flirtings when I was so into that just a month ago. Gettting older? Or just bored? Sebetulnya kan..aku dah tak kuasa.

Oh before I forget...I just received a message in my YM offline box from jeng jeng jeng...Lynna. She used to be my mother's son girlfriend. Maybe she is still with him. I didn't ask..at least not now. Dia cuma kata dia sihat, anak-anak dia pun sihat. And she asked about the family. As if she didn't know huh. She should because she was the catalyst of my family's misery pe. She asked me whether I got married already. Why is it people yang kita tak berjumpa lama always ask that question eh? MAcam dah tak de soalan lain lagi nak tanya gitu. Tanya lah aku bila aku nak makan free ke...bila aku nyer last orgasm ke..Ni tanya kawin kawin kawin. When she's bloody well know I can't get married with my family life in shambles like this. I can't wait for her reply. I just love to give sweet sarcastic retorts yang menusuk tajam terlekat kat hati dia. I don't wish her peace or health or whatever. I'm still sore on behalf of my parents.

If you read this, don't think I forgive you just because I ask about your well-being. I miss your kids I won't lie about that. We could have been the best of friends...I could have been the best sista-in-law you could ever have...ever. We could have been so close. But you betrayed my trust in you..by taking my brother,
the only brother I have, away from me.

Happy Ending

Oh oh, oh oh..
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh..
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh .
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh,

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

[Chorus]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, (in background Oh oh, oh oh)
So much for my happy ending,

Oh oh, oh oh, SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh....

I love this song. I wish I was her heheh.

Been spending my working hourse day dreaming. I do that when I feel sleepy especially after a heavy lunch. Just to keep my eyes open, in my head I spin stories about me being a model lah (I wish!), an artist( I wish I was so I could paint sceneries and sketch people's faces and be moody and no one say anything because an artist should be moody pe), about dating a rock star lah...macam citer hindustan gitu. Today I was a writer writing a Dear Diary column for a top rated newspaper. You can laugh and say it's stupid...and full of shit (which is true) but I don't care. As long as my eyes stay open and my imagination run wild, why not? You can try too. Be anything you want and nobody need to know tour fantasies. Shit! I shouldn't even tell you about this kan?

i'm watching you...
Friday, August 27, 2004

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I'm sick of this template tapi nak gi cari yang baru punya lah malas. I'm still into bright, pain-to-the-eye kind of colours.

Somebody invited me go to her besdey bash at Sembawang park. I actually was considering going but I keep thinking I would be surrounded by strangers there. I am quite phobic about meeting strangers because aku ni painfully shy. Tak mau muntah darah lah Nana...It's the truth. But I could have make new friends there...or maybe meet old friends. Mana lah tau member-member sekolah lama aku budak blog ke apa kan. The decision was made for me anyhow. Besok pagi nak gi HDB branch dengan mak regarding the deferment of payment thingy and then I'll be coming in for work at 1. I might as well earn some cash for next month's pay. So girl...sorry I can't make it. Because of work...and also because I'm broke and can't buy you anything. Tak kan aku nak pegi bawak badan dengan perut je kan? Shameless gitu.

I like this song from Spidey 2 soundtrack. Aku nak setep jadi minah rock 21st century hahahaha. But I do like this this kind of angry, black rock music..the kind that when you have to scream a bit kalau nak nyanyi. Good therapy for anger management.

Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

i'm watching you...
Friday, August 27, 2004

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Sunday, August 22, 2004

A conversation that pissed me off...

xxx: oi nabey..buat pe tu?
anis_ashraff: ARU ABIS MAKAN
xxx: nabey..makan tak ajak aku
anis_ashraff: AJAK KO BUAT PE
anis_ashraff: CAM LAH DEKAT
xxx: dekat pe aku..hahaha...ko reti gosok baju ke nabey?
anis_ashraff: BILA KO NAK ABISK UTUK AKU EH
xxx: hah? ape die?
anis_ashraff: BILA KO NAK STOP KUTUK AKU??
xxx: aku mane de kutuk ko laling..
anis_ashraff: TAK KE?
xxx: tak le..tanye je..
anis_ashraff: JUZ B'COZ PERANGAI AKU MCM SIAL...TAK BERMAKNA AKU NI BUKAN POMPAN
xxx: la hai..lebey plak ko..
anis_ashraff: DAH LAH EH
xxx: aku tanye jer..mane la tau..zaman skarang ni...kalo suruh pompuan buat bende..die suruh laki buat...tak ke nabey sundal tu..
anis_ashraff: KALAU KO RASA KO TAK BLEH CARI KEBAIKAN PADA DIRI AKU NI...TAK YAH PM
xxx: nak suruh masak air pon suruh laki..pehal ko emo sgt nari?
anis_ashraff: KO HIDUP KURUN BAPER?
anis_ashraff: SKRG BUKAN ZAMAN TOK NENEK AKU...SUME KEJE POMPAN NAK BUAT SUME
anis_ashraff: KALAU LELAKI BLEH TOLONG BUAT APA YG PERLU...Y NOT?
anis_ashraff: TAK KAN NAK HARAP PUKI BINI KO JE KAN
anis_ashraff: AKU EMOSI KE?
anis_ashraff: AKU BINGIT JE
anis_ashraff: TIAP KALI KO PM AKU TAK PENAH NAK TANYA YG BAIK2..ADA JE KO NAK HENTAM AKU
anis_ashraff: AKU BOSAN LAH
xxx: la hai..ye ke? hrmm.. sedey plak aku dgr ceramah ko ni
anis_ashraff: PERLI?
anis_ashraff: CERAMAH EH?
xxx: hahahahaha.. ye kot..aku tgh boring ni..nak katai org..kang emo plak...tu yg aku tak suke tu...accept la..main pool ngan aku
anis_ashraff: MALAS LAH
anis_ashraff: KO GI MAIN PUKI SUAH
xxx: langsi... main puki ko la..
anis_ashraff: TAK DE ORG LAYAN CARI AKU LAH EH
xxx: hah? ape bende ko cakap ni? ko mabok kape?
anis_ashraff: EMOSI PE
anis_ashraff: PESAL AJAK MAIN POOL
anis_ashraff: CARI ORG YG TAK EMOSI
xxx: langsi...jom la main pool..aku dah tahap cipan ni..
anis_ashraff: AKU TGH MAIN POOL LAH BABI
xxx: kat mane? sg?
anis_ashraff: EH APA AKU MEPEK
anis_ashraff: AKU TGH GOSOK BAJU LAH PANTEK
xxx: laa..ape sundal ko cakap ni...ko kate ko main pool...pastu ko kate ko gosok baju...mane satu yg betul ni?
anis_ashraff: SALAH CAKAP LAH SYIAL
xxx: pantek tol..
anis_ashraff: AKU GOSOK BAJU
anis_ashraff: AKU KAN TAK PANDAI GOSOK BAJU
anis_ashraff: BLAJAR LAH NI
xxx: langsi la..suruh laki ko turun sini
anis_ashraff: LANGSIR NAK?
anis_ashraff: TURUN MANA?
xxx: aku nak ajak die pi yamcha...turun malaysia la nabey
anis_ashraff: YAM APA?
anis_ashraff: BUAT PE?
xxx: yamcha la..
anis_ashraff: DIA NAK ALIK KG DIA PUN TAK SENANG
anis_ashraff: APA LAGI NAK JUMPA KO
xxx: takpe..kalo yamcha nye pasal..confirm die pi
anis_ashraff: KO INGAT DIA MCM KO?
xxx: mane la tau
anis_ashraff: JGN SAMaKAN LAKI AKU MCM KO
xxx: die cakap kat aku die sama cam aku
anis_ashraff: YE LAH SAMA
anis_ashraff: KORANG 2 ORG ADA KONEK
anis_ashraff: BILA MASA PLAK LAKI AKU CHAT DGN KO EH
xxx: tapi konek aku profesional..konek die..normal.. die pakei id ko la nabey
anis_ashraff: PASAL DIA NYUNDAL DGN AKU JE
xxx: sundal? ape

When you can't win an argument with a woman, act blur and confused. Fakking hell!

In general, men are pigs...Even the best of them. Expect us women to bend to their every commands. Are we still living in the 18th century ke pe? I don't say we can't follow their way but within reason. Kalau tak over sangat pi lah mampos sama dorang tu.

Think about it. What's wrong with helping your wife doing some housework huh? Mana nak keje tolong laki cari duit lebih...mana nak jaga anak yang macam setan malaun...mana nak buat keje rumah...what's wrong with helping the womenfolk? Takkan masak air dalam automatic kettle pun susah sangat? Apa salah masak nasi pasal korang jugak nanti yang badok lebih? Apa salah pulak vacuum hall? Bukan macam dulu pakai penyapu lidi terbongkok-bongkok sapu with all the dust flying. What's wrong?

Salah mak yang mengandung pasal pamper their sons and torture the daughters. I know of a person who came back late from work but still she had to do some housework. What's up with that? Tak boleh ke buat besok lusa?

If I ever had sons, I hope they would not turn out to be male chauvinistic pigs.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 22, 2004

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I'm my mother's child in so many ways though I wish it was otherwise. Like my mother, I think I have this love for controlling kids around. Sian Camelia. Selalu aku marah-marah dia. Not that I didn't love her. I do but her upbringing is way so different from me. My mother seldom gave way to her kids. She expected us to be seen and not heard much. She practised strict discipline when we were growing up. She didn't tolerate disobedience. In other words I didn't enjoy my childhood that much.

I don't wish to be such a rigid disciplinarian like her but I absolutely detest kids who answer back to their elders, giving them no respect due to their age. I know sometimes parents can be such ass but still respect them you must. I don't like kids who don't answer you when you call their names, who refuse to do chores they are asked to do, who stomp around when they don't get their way. Banyak eh yang aku tak suka. But I do like kids...sometimes when they are lovable and cute. I do give them way...in terms of delayed shower times...in terms of spending money on them. What is money if you don't spend it? As long as tak mintak yang mahal sudah. I'm a cheapskate you know.

Dammit! My smiley central icons are not working.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 22, 2004

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All is well. Semalam punya drama settle. I can't stand not talking to him. Today I feel love for him...especially after I look at our beach photo. I miss him. He's at work. Can't wait for him to be back home.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 22, 2004

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Saturday, August 21, 2004

I'm miserable. I had just been yelled at by Ash. I just fell to pieces. Weak that I am I burst into tears ( yeah i do cry lah nabey). Aku mana boleh kena marah dengan dia. The story goes like this.

Aku masuk Brunei room nak chat. A few people there yang aku dah biasa chat with. Dah tu tetiba ada lah satu malaun ni tuduh aku bom dia. ID dia duta pukimak. Kau tak kenal aku ko nak tuduh aku macam-macam? Aku pun apa lagi...darah go upstairs lah. Kalau aku tak buat tapi orang tuduh aku buat memang lah aku ngamok. Selama aku chat dalam room tu tak penah aku bom regular chattters there. Kalau aku nak bom pun aku bom bangla-bangla yang persistent nak pm aku. Aku dah lama tak masuk Brunei room pasal I thought most chatters there lemau and the people I like to chat with no longer online. Tetiba aku kena label bomber? What the fak??!!! Macam lah aku tak de keje lain. It's not my style to bom orang lah babi.

Somebody...dragonslayer number sundal apa ntah...mula-mula chat dengan aku ok then dia pun sekaki. Apa sial salah aku? Aku tau ada manusia pakai id axlia but with numbers kat belakang dia tu masuk room bom-bom orang...but it's not me. Dah lah tak kenal aku pandai je buat assumption yg false.

Masa aku tengah maki-maki tu lah Ash masuk bilik. Dia memang tak suka aku marah-marah. Dia suruh aku tukar room so I did. Then dia masuk bilik lagi ntah apa dia bebel with his mouth full of bread...aku tanya lah apa dia nak. He got pissed...I told him aku dah ignore dorang aku dah tukar room..apa lagi dia nak? He shouted at me "RELEK LAH BUAL!!!"..Abih aku nak buat apa? Just keep quiet when people accuse me of doing something that I didn't do? Bila dorang sebut nama mak bapak aku - saying stuff that my parents don't teach me manners - I'm supposed to grit my teeth and smile? You don't even bother to know the truth lah papa. And it hurts me that you shout at me like that. You never did before. I hate you right now.

dragonslayer694
duta
atybuyah

You just make me your worst enemy.

i'm watching you...
Saturday, August 21, 2004

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I had already settled down to sleep when I remember aku belum blog. In case besok pagi tak sempat kan...I might as well do it now. Ash pulak tengah berdengkur. How the hell am I supposed to sleep tonite? Sayang punya pasal kan aku tak tendang dia from the bed.

Saturday ni a good friend is coming over my place. I was thinking lah nak panggil budak-budak Woodlands turun. It doesn't matter lah korang chatters ke bloggies ke apa ke...if you nak turun, meh ahh turun. Aku cuma nak tau how many yang berniat nak datang. So...to anyone yang interested boleh lah call aku. Erkkk what's my number? 90461929 Limited to people yang nak datang je. Yang nak phone sex tu baik tak payah bazir masa aku yang precious ni, tak payah bazir air liur aku gi maki korang and tak payah bazir duit Ash yang bayar bil aku.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, August 18, 2004

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Monday, August 16, 2004

Your Inner Sex Gender: Woman

For you, sex is the best possible emotional connection. It's all about making your head spin.

You think twice about having sex with a stranger, unless you think romance is in the air.

And you choose comfort over novelty. You rather have sex you know you enjoy.

This doesn't mean you aren't kinky... just that you choose your kinks rather carefully.

What's Your Inner Sex Gender?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

You Are Friends With Potential

There's a little spark going on here, no question about it

Will this develop into a hot romance? Look to your guy friend for clues.

Does he flirt with all his female friends? Or are you an exception?

If he's giving you special treatment, you've won a part of his heart already.

Is He More Than a Friend? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Boy Shorts Bikini!

You're a sexy girl - but not the type that likes to let it all hang out.

You are in to a little of everything at the beach - swimming, tanning, playing

And when you're running around, you'll be sure your butt isn't falling out of your suit

What Kind of Bikini Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

i'm watching you...
Monday, August 16, 2004

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Sunday, August 15, 2004

Fakking hell! I lost my photo album on Yahoo! I don't know what telah happen but I had this sick feeling that I was the idiot yang gi delete. Abis lah sume gambar-gambar aku yang cute tu

All my personal pictures either alone or with Ash...all gone. I know aku boleh amik gambar yang lain but it won't be the same. Stupid idiot...that's me.

I got a new admirer today. Big tall hunky guy. I don't know what he admires in me. He doesn't me at all. Must be that pic of me wearing bikini top with extra padding. He even promised to buy me some lingerie from Victoria's secret...but he didn't ask for my address. Duh!!!!

Camne you nak postkan kat I eh Naz?

Met some online chatters who don't freeze my brain. For every 1o morons I know online, I got to know 1 intelligent person. So...berbaloi pe masa aku bertenet tu.

i'm watching you...
Sunday, August 15, 2004

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Thursday, August 12, 2004

There are times when people who are supposed to be your friends turn out to be such assholes. I really got no time nak gi entertain orang camni. They bound to make my blood boil and change me from an easy-going person into a foaming crazy bitch. I don't know what they think of me exactly but they always thought they could order me around. I HATE BEING ORDERED AROUND LIKE SOME KIND OF SERVANT! I'm not your pet dog who cater to your every commands.

I am not the person you look for when you need a pussy...and I don't mean the feline kind. What am I? A mamasan ke pe? Aku ni mak ayam ke simpan pompan-pompan jalang untuk butoh korang yang miskin tu? You are supposed to be my friends so behave like one. Respect me like I respect you. Sure we joke vulgarly...but that doesn't mean I'm not a woman. I am a woman. I only behave unfeminine je. So what the fuck with the remarks about finding you a puki? Is that my job? I don't think so.

And I don't want to meet you anymore. I don't. So quit pushing. I hate people who force me do things I don't want to do. Why should I listen to you? I don't want to run your stupid errands, I don't want to oblige you with your ridiculous demands. You didn't even bother to sms me asking me how I am. Why the hell should I bother with you?

And so...when I told you to fuck off...I mean it...literally. I don't want to fuck you. I don't even have the appetite to open my legs for you. Just fuck off and leave me alone why don't you? You are such a pain in my cute puki.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, August 12, 2004

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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

I cried myself to sleep last night. No...nothing bad happened. I just needed to cry. Just because Ash...he didn't hug me. Aizzzzzz...I know that is trivial but it matters to me. I still hadn't got used to the idea of him not hugging me at nights since he got sick.

I love him so much that it hurts when I have to be away from him. I feel as if my heart almost quit beating when he stays home while I'm at work. I feel the misery when he got fucked up by his boss. I feel the stress of being not able to pay off his bills.

When I woke up tadi for work, I didn't feel like going to work. I had to but I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in his arms and watch him sleep peacefully...regardless of the loud snoring. I don't know if I can go on if he ever leave me...or when he has to.

That is how I feel about him. Oh, I know he loves me but he doesn't love me with that kind of intensity. Sometimes I don't even know if he notice me beside me. I'm here because I want to be close to him and not because he needs me. He doesn't. He doesn't really need anyone. He can survive on his own.

Am I complaining? Maybe. Or maybe I just miss the old him. The one who told me he loves me so...The one who often smsed me to leave lovey-dovey messages on my handphone which I kept for months afterwards...The one who kissed me good morning every morning...The one who couldn't keep his hands off me...The one who bought me small inexpensive things just to please me...The one who brought me to watch movies and held my hand throughout the movies...The one who hugged me close to his heart until I fell asleep feeling loved...

When those things don't happen anymore, I feel cheated. I still do.

Early morning bitching.

i'm watching you...
Wednesday, August 11, 2004

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I had a great time with a gal pal tadi. She came over and we chatted. Don't ask about what. Girls' stuff. I told her we should do this like a monthly thingy...if her parole officer allows it. She told me her officer doesn't approve of me. That hurts. I'm not used to people not liking me...unless the feeling is mutual. But that's ok. As long as he loves her...and she's happy with him, he can hate me for whatever I'm worth. Parole officer...I have always had good impression of you even at the beginning...And I know we don't hang around much to know each other well but I had good vibes about you..and my instincts are seldom wrong. Treat her right you'll be ok. Treat her otherwise...you dead meat!

P.S.Eh Lulu..BBQ tu masih on ke tak eh? Silent je. Jangan nanti bila aku dah kering kontang sebok ajak pulak.

i'm watching you...
Tuesday, August 10, 2004

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Monday, August 09, 2004

I didn't go the music carnival semalam. Disappointed there. I was struck with blindingly painful headache since Saturday. Usually kan aku makan panadol extra 2 bijik dah ok but I had to eat 5 yesterday before the pain go away.

Saturday night aku hantar Ash gi acupuncture at this free Buddhist clinic kat Jurong East. Nak try out. Just for a dollar no harm in trying kan. Like so weird gi sana. We are the only 2 non-Chinese persons there

and when we entered the clinic all the ah sohs and the apeks tengok kita. At least the receptionist speaks good English..

Ash's mother is cooking crabs lemak cili padi

...YAHOOOO!!!!

i'm watching you...
Monday, August 09, 2004

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Monday, August 02, 2004

I had a depressing day today. The worst Monday blues ever. It all started when I smsed Ash telling him how depressed I was feeling. He told me he felt worst because he was denied doing overtime by his boss ( yeah, the same fucker yang aku gegar that day). Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was PMS. I don't know why but that news got me overly emotional and all teary. My leader asked me while patting my back, whether I was ok or not. It's not everyday she saw me fall apart like that. I told Ash to talk with his manager. I think that is the only way to change the situation. I even got thinking about quitting my job when I really like my current job and I love my colleagues. I did thought about getting a part time job but knowing me, I'll procrastinate until the very last desperate minute

Then another bombshell dropped on me. Dah lah jatuh dari tangga, aku kena hempap pulak dengan the beladi ladder. Mak called but I was too busy to pick up her call. (By the way her phone service got suspended. I refused to pay because she insisted on making those overseas calls.) I heard her message. I actually believe I heard her say uncle passed away. Choy choy choy!!! Touch wood siak. Nasib baik aku gi dengar one more time just to be sure. She said the power supply got cut off. See how messed up I was feeling by then? I can't work...I can't tease my friends...I was so listless I feel like I was already dead

Luckily mom called me again to reassure me everything was A ok. It was just a temporary disruption to make way for repairs

Ash and me got talking about insurance and stuff. He was sweet. He asked me to kill him for the insurance money and once I got it, share the cash with his mother. But when I told him to kill me, he said he won't do that. I know it's like so morbid talking about killing the one you love just for the money...but it's a kind of morbid sweet isn't it?

Maybe it's the PMS that made me so sensitive and emotional. It must be that. I don't flirt as much as I used to do just a few weeks back. The past week saw me say no several times...with no regrets.

i'm watching you...
Monday, August 02, 2004

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