ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Tired so tired. Today manyak events happening. Somebody getting engaged, somebody geting married, somebody celebrating besdey, everybody invited me but I can't go though I really wanted to

I'm sorry...but I have for once this time be just a little selfish. I have to work...for my parents...for Ash...for me.

Nana..I'll make it up to you next time ok? I really am sorry I can't make it but i have to work...kalau tak...dapor umah mak aku tak berasap

I got into a tiff with a friend a couple of days ago. Nak dengar citer? It's like this...There was one time aku and 2 of my gal pals...with Ash and a gal pal's boyfriend gi clubbing. I invited a few people but yang datang cuma sekor...somebody I know for some time but not close enough. Anyway dia datang with somebody's sister...that somebody yang ada hal dengan my good friend. I got nothing against the sister however and aku tak tau lah what made them think kita sume buang muka dengan dia. Firstly...nobody knows...let's call him M, that friend of mine...nobody knows him. Me and another girl kenal lah that girl yang dia bawak. Secondly...I already told him I am by nature shy and reserved during first meetings. I am totally unlike the persona people know in chatroom. I tried explaining to him but I think he was still pissed off. Aku dah mintak maap...took all the blame...but still dia tak puas hati. Maybe dia nak aku isap konek dia...jilat pantat dia..then dia happy agaknya

You know what...to make the citer pendek, I am deleting his number now. Tak payah nak waste handphone phone book space. In fact I'm thinking about deleting every number yang aku ada. Buat pe simpan number orang yang obviously tak ada masa even to sms aku?

The other friend who claimed to be my buddy lagi macam sial. Bila aku tanya napa dah lama tak sms aku...dia bleh kata yang dia tak kosa nak sms-sms...penatkan jari lah...nak cut cost lah. Aku dengan cepat reply balik...kalau nak cut cost lagi, senang aje terminate je handphone line. Terus diam. Padan muka. Isn't what I told him the right thing to do? If you want to save cost, just throw the handphone in the river...cut off the line. Kaninabucaucibai. Macam gini punya memberz pun aku simpan eh?

After that minor disagreement, it got me thinking jap. Why is it eh all..ok maybe most...of my friends desert me when I needed them the most? Busy dengan family lah...busy dengan keje...dengan laki...busy busy busy. I mean aku pun busy jugak but I try to make time for people I called friends. Am I a lousy friend-picker or what? Right now the only constant friend that I have is Ash lah. Dia yang selalu dengar aku au-au kat telinga dia

...dia yang selalu nampak airmata aku

...yang selalu soothe aku when I'm feeling so down

...yang always there when I need company.

In times like this, I found myself missing you so. I miss all that bitching sessions we had, the lepak and makan trips, the beach excursions. I miss the times when we always know what the other was going to say, we finished each other sentences. My mistake was being too loyal to you, so loyal that I blinded myself to your faults even when they slapped me in my face. I refused to hear anything bad about you. I defended you when people put you down...and you did the same for me. Everyone knew how close we were. And it hurts when u damned me so. I made a mistake...who doesn't? I forgave you for every unkind and harsh words you said in my face...why can't you? You hurt me so that I'm phobic at having that kind of friendship anymore.

Nobody is my best friend now. Good friends yes...best friend nope. (Erkkk I forget...papa...you lah my best friend

)

i'm watching you...
Saturday, February 14, 2004

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