ÂªÃ±Â¡Â§ ÂªÂ§hÂ®Âªff pÂªÂ®t II

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Semalam sakit kepala...hari ni sakit gigi pulak. Was already at the dentist but dia dah kena fully booked so I made an appointment for tomorrow morning. Yeahhhhh besok MC

I do feel guilty lah pasal because of me Ash decided not to take OT but apa boleh buat..duit pada dia. If I got my pay aku tak susahkan dia tadi. I'm sorry eh papa. I saw you coming to me tadi kat CP unsmiling and all my excitement at seeing you vanished. You know me well kan...always thinking nonsense most of the time. So tadi I thought you tak happy that I dragged you away from your work. If I told you what I felt you would say I mepek (and most probably I was) so better shut my trap before I say anything stupid. Anyway thanks. I know you love me even if sometimes you seem oblivious to my presence. That's ok. As long as you hold me until I go to sleep, that's fine with me.

Two days ago, mak tepon at midnight. Abang uncle meninggal. Quite sudden i guess. Tak tau pulak sakit apa. She called pasal nak duit. Kalau dia mintak $10-$20 maybe I won't get so worked up. Ni mintak sampai $50. Mana siak aku nak gi cari duit? Aku belum gaji pe. And then she expected me to go to her place early in the morning before I go to work. Mana sempat? Kira aku nak kena keluar early..and take the first bus from Woodlands eh?

Ya Allah mak...kalau orang meninggal, kita gi melawat pun dah bagus. Orang tau pe mak dengan uncle tak keje so tak kan dorang nak harapkan duit mak pulak kan?

Then next morning when I related the story to Ash, kita ended up arguing. He told me to sit my mom down and tell her about how much my pay is. I never like to do that because aku kena label bodoh dengan mak sendiri even when what I said was the truth. So what's the point? Ash suruh tanya dia where the money go and I recoiled at the thought of even thinking about asking the question. I told him off. I have never ask her about whatever money she had. Nak mintak dia $1 pun aku malu. Unless I am real desperate baru lah aku berani mintak pinjam.

I know Ash was saying what he said because he hates seeing me troubled and maybe one day I would talk to her. I just shy at the thought of sitting down and have an adult conversation with my parents. Maklum lah mak aku never saw me as a almost 32-year-old woman.

Incoming headache.

i'm watching you...
Thursday, February 26, 2004

___________________________________________