) and I woke up scared 
...and so I turned to him for comfort. Instead of reassuring me everything was ok, he scolded me for waking him up. He said it was hard enough for him to go sleep. God, that hurts me bad. I cried to sleep and he either didn't care or oblivious to my sobbing. When I was getting ready for work, I didn't wake him up. He woke himself up. I already made his tea...I didn't talk much. I didn't even want to see the face who cut my heart just a few hours ago. I kissed him when I left...and he called me but I refused to answer. I walked out of the house with tears in my eyes. Downstairs, I smsed him that I left him a note and told him to read it. After apparently reading it, he smsed back to me saying I didn't understand him but he accepted whatever I said and apologised if he hurt me.
This got me thinking. Why the hell be with me if I bother him too much? The first thought that came to mind was to go home and leave him alone for a few days to sweat it out. The other was to just force him to break up with me. No point kan aku around here..loitering if my presence is like a thorn in his flesh. He didn't even bother to call me tadi. 45 minutes before I finished work, he smsed me to ask what time I would be home. Why can't he just dial my number and talk to me? What is the damn handphone for if he ain't gonna call me? He didn't go to work today and yet he expected ME to call him.
You know papa...if I didn't love you so goddamn much, I would have told you to fak off and leave me alone. I'm tired of being put in second place everywhere I go - from my father to my mother....and now you. Why can't you understand that all I ever want and need from you is your attention and love. That's all I'm asking from you. Is it so hard to put your arms around me and hold me till I close my eyes for the day? Is my touch so repulsive to you that everytime I put my arms around you, you move away? What did or didn't I do for you? Did I do enough? Or am I doing it too much?
I have never told you this but everytime we quarrel, I always ended up hating myself so much for not pleasing you. I wanted so much to be the perfect woman for you but I can't. No one is ever perfect...not even you. I still feel like shit now...while you were eating the putu piring. I don't want to talk to you much..I don't want to look you in the eye. Think I'm gonna be quiet and not say anything at all
Monday, February 09, 2004
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PROFILE
A N i S
SwEeT 33
FeMaLe...Of CoUrSe
2nd NoVeMbEr
103 YiShUn RiNg Rd #03-99 S(760103)
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