When I was still a married woman, my then husband pelihara 2 ekor biawak hidup - his brother and his cuckoo uncle. My intention was to bring his mother je but he wanted the other 2 bums along. I won't mind if at least dorang tolong-tolong around the house - pay the bills ke, kemas umah ke...anything lah yang meringankan beban kita laki bini. Kita kena tanggung dorang nyer makan lagi ada. Kanina sial.
Now history repeats itself. Ash pulak tanggung sekor biawak hidup. This month we kinda short on cash due to the change in his salary. He is no longer working on shifts so no shift allowances, no meal allowances, no transport allowances. What he gets is less than he usually does. I don't want to au-au but really...what with my parents' bills...Ash's bills...I don't know how we are gonna make it through the end of this month. Sakit ahhh pala aku
Might as well go ahead and bitch. I don't mind you staying with Ash. Really I don't but pakai otak lah. Dah tentu-tentu adik ko nak kena bayar ini itu...tanggung mak korang, sekolahkan anak sedara korang...tanggung aku lagi...napa eh tak mau tolong dia bayar something? You think ko kasi dia $150 ntah bulan baper nyer ntah...ingat cukup ke? You go out...you find any rooms you can rent with that kind of money. If you can find such room...bleh spit on my face. Kat luar standard rental price per room is about $400-$450. Think what your brother can do with that kind of money. I don't even know whether you are working or not. Macam keje macam tak je.
You are a married man for god's sakes...behave lah like one. You got your own family...go and take care of them. Don't expect your mother...your brother to help you out in every financial crisis you face. Go solve your own problems and quit dumping them on your mom and sibling. I wish I could just tell you off but who the fuck am I in this family? Nothing...I'm just your brother's fiancee je. Aku pun tak tau camne nak cakap. I know what it feels like to stay in people's homes. I'm not used to be so harsh so unfeeling so unkind as to sindir-sindir ke apa.
I know it's hard having a ready made family but it's your fault. You only have yourself to blame. Tak de sapa pun paksa ko kawin in such a short space of time. You are older than me but you never think ahead. You married when you were still not financially stable. You know I think you want to be depended on Ash...for some time to come...baper lama aku tak tau. Ko sedap-sedap mantat...adik ko terkial-kial pecahkan pala otak pikir macam mana nak gi pay off bills...with the condition he is in. Even his job now is on rocky ground. Ntah lama ntah tak. Ko mana nak amik tau ni sume. Ko asek berkepit dengan tempek bini ko je.
And you papa...ada problem je...tau nak tengking-tengking aku. I hate it when ypu point your finger at me...and you know that. That rankled me so much. Go vent your anger at the people yang deserve to be scolded. You know how much I hated being forced to do something I didn't want to do and you can't quit pestering do you? Sunday is the only time I can rest my body and mind after working 6 days this week. I am already looking forward to staying in today. You want me to go with your mom to Shng Shiong...while you make your balls bigger at home? You don't have to work OT...you don't need to take public transport all the way home (except naik feeder bus from CP to home). You think you alone penat keje and I'm not? I'm working OT because of us, because I know kalau aku tak OT we don't have enough cash in our hands. I was just suggesting that one day kita gi on a sea cruise. I'm not asking to go now ke besok ke. I mean if we got extra money boleh lah try on that cruise. You don't have to show distaste on your face. Am I demanding that we go? Did I keep on pestering that we should go? No kan? It was just a damn beladi fakking suggestion je
Nasib baik mak tak tepon-tepon mintak duit. At least I'm saved from that
Does all these rantings help me cleanse my system? Not really...but at least I get to vent my anger. Nak try to sleep it off lah.
Sunday, February 08, 2004
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